MISSING

MISSING: - Founder and Co-blogger to Barberbabble.

Meggan created this blog, in part, to help us chronicle Mia's early life. I decided to post a few times just to be a part of it. I have focused more on fatherly posts and some other random ideas than Amelia in particular and I would imagine it will continue that way, if not diverge further. However, Meggan has taken another approach....she stopped blogging! I believe she has 3 posts in the last 3 months. That is hardly enough to entertain our mass following of roughly 2 readers. If any of you see Meggan, please give her a hard time about not showing up on the blog she started. After all, we don't want Amelia to look back on this blog and only see one side of the story.

What's wrong with Old Fashioned?

I'm not sure exactly when I became old, but it has very obviously happened to me. I'm guessing it partially coincided with Amelia being born. All I know is when I watch certain channels, particularly certain "music video" channels, I feel very frightened about what is out there for my baby girl to witness. While I admit I'm not exactly in the scene, I can't help but think these stations, and the media in general, glorify all things sex, drugs, and rock and roll. I have no issue with the way adults want to live their lives as long as it doesn't affect anyone else. I do, however, struggle with how I am going to deal with Amelia's access to these types of things as a child. I don't want her segueing from a Taylor Swift concert special to two drunken strippers wrestling on a reality show. That said, it is unfortunately more common to see the latter. Given this, here is a list of toys I am dreadfully fearing in the future...

1) My First Lil' Stripper Pole - A pole designed for kids who want to imitate mommy's strip-aerobics class.

2) Sippy Pimp Cups - Tiny, gold and diamond plated sippy cups for the most stylish of children

3) Anatomically correct paparazzi-flashing dolls - dolls of all your favorite starlets sans underwear. With the push of a button, up goes the skirt, just like Hollywood's nightlife-loving ladies...Britney, Paris, Lindsay, etc.

4) Teddy Rapxpin dolls - It's just like the Teddy Ruxpin dolls from your youth, except it teaches your child to rap about gettin' money, poppin' Cristal, and pullin' out your glock if someone gets out of line.

Okay, so maybe these toys are a bit exaggerated, but I honestly do feel it is becoming an extremely tough exercise for a kid to just be a kid. My goal is not to shelter Mia, but to allow her to think the world is a safe, clean place to live as long as I possibly can.

Sick day

15+ dirty diapers in two days
$120 spent on prescriptions
1 combined day of work missed

... having a sick baby is not fun.

Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day. In all honesty, in my life, Memorial Day has mostly meant a day off of work with perhaps a passing thought of the soldiers. However, over the past year or two, the holiday, the war, and what it means to be in the Armed Forces has taken on a different meaning for me. Over this time frame, two of my nephews have decided to join various branches of the military. As an uncle, I selfishly worry about the possible repercussions of these decisions. But, as an American, I am extremely proud and humbled by their bravery. Luckily, one has not been sent overseas yet and the other has enlisted, but is still awaiting training. So, while I have not felt the fear of watching a newscast while they are in harm's way, it has completely opened my eyes to the personal impact of this war. It has shown me that while I have always been thankful for our troops, it has been in the same way that I am thankful for any of America's privileges... I know I am lucky to have them, but I rarely take the time to fully appreciate the magnitude of their impact on my life. So, today, I wanted to take a few moments on here to thank all the service men and women, as well as all the civilian workforce who support them, for all that they do. It is because of your effort, your courage, and your willingness to sacrifice that I am able to feel safe tonight when my family and I go to bed. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Time to ourselves

Over my 3 months as a father, I have learned countless lessons. Additionally, I have gone through countless emotions. Now that Mia is in daycare, I have found Meggan and I faced with a new, rare feeling that I am sure all new parents go through at some point...Guilt. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately in these troubled economic times, I have had to work from virtually the day after the baby was born. Given this, it is natural that guilt has occasionally attempted to creep its way into my mind. It has shown up when I look at Amelia's picture on my desk at work. I've heard guilt's hollow voice when I was unable to attend Mia's pediatrician appointments. Throughout the 3 months, the closest guilt has come to actually cracking the dam were the few occasions in which I have left the baby asleep in the morning and was not able to return until after she was back in bed that night. However, I have always been able to stand up to guilt by using the defense that I HAVE to work. I don't have an option to stay at home and it is directly on Amelia's behalf that I work so hard. Does this make me feel great? No. But, it does make me feel about two rungs up the ladder from deadbeat dads and overall general dirt bags. So, hey, at least I have that going for me.

So, this brings me back to my original point - this new form of guilt Meggan and I have been feeling. Friday was the first opportunity we have had since the baby was born to spend some time together while she was at daycare...and we really liked it. Neither one of us actually wanted to say those words, but it was apparent. There is an overwhelming feeling that I SHOULD want to spend all available waking hours with Amelia. To some extent, this is founded. I do love her with all my heart and would literally give anything for her. However, it was damn nice to be able to go shopping and to eat without having a 3 hour human timer. There was no nap to worry about, no dirty diapers to change, and no bottle to make. It was a welcome chance to hang out with Meggan again as husband and wife, and not solely as parents. So, does this make us bad parents? Are we selfish people? My head tells me we aren't. My head tells me that bad parents don't ever need a break from their children because they go on living their lives with no regard for the kids in the first place. My head tells me that selfish people would be too caught up in themselves to even consider feeling bad about it. But, my heart, a little piece of it still feels like I am undervaluing the precious time I have with Mia, particularly Baby Mia. I'm sure this will be one of those growing experiences that Meggan and I look back on one day. I suppose until that day comes, we will just have to deal with the perpetual act of trying to balance work time, personal time, Amelia time, marriage time, and any other kind of time that exists...at least until Mia gets to the age where she'd rather be waterboarded than hang out with her parents. Then, we will spend our time together talking about how lonely we are and how much we miss our baby girl. Something about grass being greener comes to mind.

Girl talk

So, we haven't blogged in a week. Let's just say I would have preferred blogging to the flogging I have been taking at work recently. That said, I'm too tired to write tonight, so I am turning the blog over to my loyal companion and my baby girl...

Amelia: Wow, what an honor. We get to blog tonight.

Sophie: I'm so excited! I can't believe it. I have been waiting my entire life for a chance to blog. Seriously, this is freakin' awesome!

Amelia: Do you even know what blogging is?

Sophie: Uhh, no.

Amelia: You've never heard of a blog, you bark at dogs that are on TV, and you eat rubber pacifiers..... geez, you're like a 10lb, nubby-tail wagging Einstein.

Sophie: ...says the girl who is routinely mesmerized by a ceiling fan.

Amelia: Well played. So,back to the blog. I think we are just supposed to pick something and talk about it on here.

Sophie: Okay, how about we talk about how awesome my life is at home now that you are in daycare?

Amelia: Awesome like you laying around, sulking like a little punk? Yeah, we all know about that. Don't worry, I think it's sweet that you are a crybaby.

Sophie: First of all, I wasn't sulking. I was merely too euphoric to get off the couch and for your information, I wasn't crying either. I had fur in my eye.

Amelia: Of course you did. On a serious note, I have to admit, I miss hanging out with you all day.

Sophie: Really?!?

Amelia: NO! I just wanted to see if I could get you to cry again.

Sophie: Man, daycare has hardened you.

Amelia: It's rough in the joint. If you aren't hard, you'll never make it. When I first got there, I had to constantly watch over my Similac or they'd try to steal it.

Sophie: Steal your Similac? That just ain't right.

Amelia: It's getting better now that I have put my new plan into place. Let's just say nobody wants to mess with the kid who drools until her bib is soaked and blows out a diaper once a day. Gross? Yes. Brilliant? You bet your furry little puppy ass it is.

Sophie: Do your wits have no end? I am so totally digging you right now. I'm starting to think we make better friends than enemies. What do you say?

Amelia: I'm one step ahead of you... I got my first daycare tat today...it's of you.

Sophie: Awwww, that's so sweet. Can I see it?

Amelia: Sure, here you go.

Sophie: You got a tattoo on your backside of me licking my butt...That's your way of showing your love?

Amelia: Baby steps - love doesn't happen overnight. BTW, don't tell dad about the tat. I'm keeping it hidden under my Elmo panties.

First day at daycare

Today was Mia's first day at daycare. I've felt pretty good about the need for daycare and how well it will socialize her. However, once I got her there this morning, I had second thoughts. She just seemed so tiny and vulnerable there. Maybe I am biased or overly concerned for her, but I did not get a good feeling when I looked around at the other kids. With no exaggeration, this is what my overly protective father eyes saw:

- A boy in the corner was sharpening the bottom of his rattle like a prison shank.

- A little girl tried to sell me a fake Rolex she had hidden under her swaddle blanket

- Two boys and a teacher were throwing dice and smoking while watching Scarface on a Sesame Street portable DVD player.

- One particularly disturbing child was doing push ups on his knuckles. He had a tattoo across his shoulders that read "Dirrrtier than your diaper" and another tat of lips on a pacifier on his neck.

As if I wasn't freaked out enough by the "fresh meat" stares they were giving Mia or the young man that shouted "hey shorty, I like your Elmo panties" from the back of the room when we walked in, a little boy who, no lie, had grown a full beard, gave me a throat slash gesture and blew me a kiss on my way out the door.

I thought the dogs at Sophie's kennel were tough. I'm not sure Amelia is going to make it out alive. Although, I was proud of the little girl for bring home 10 cigarettes she had won playing 3 card Monte with the girls on her cell block. Who knows, maybe she'll survive after all.