Worth 1000 words

From the inside

From: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
To: Mia@babies_R_me.com

Subject: RUN!!

Baby,
I hope I was able to get this message to you in time. If they haven't gotten you yet, you should run. Mom brought me somewhere and I don't know what they've done with her, but they've got me locked up with several other dogs. I fear for her life as she has not yet come to save me. This appears to be some sort of torture prison. Since they've had me, I've seen them completely violate my cell mate while waterboarding two others. Baby, I know this will be hard for you, but it is very important, DO NOT COME FOR ME. It's too late for me, save yourself.

Sophie

Sent from my Barkberry Wireless Device

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From: Mia@babies_R_me.com
To: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com

Subject: Re:RUN!!

Sophie,
It's worse than you can imagine! They came here and made me watch while they tortured dad. Then, the animals ate all of your bones and dog food and pulled your toys apart limb from limb. Afterwards, I heard them discussing all the things they were going to do to you. I begged them for their mercy, but they said you had eaten one of my pacifiers for the last time. If only you hadn't done that, dad would be alive, mom would be alive, you'd still have your toys and food, and we'd still be a family. I don't know how long I can fight the urge to come save you.

Mia

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From: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
To: Mia@babies_R_me.com

Subject: Re:Re:RUN!!

Baby,
I'm sorry I did this. If I somehow survive the waterboarding and prison violation, I'll be a changed dog. Baby, I've never told you this, but ...I love you.

Sophie

Sent from my Barkberry Wireless Device

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From: Mia@babies_R_me.com
To: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com

Subject: Re:Re:Re:RUN!!

Sophie,
It's okay. I forgive you. I've been working tirelessly to negotiate your release. I'm going to need you to commit to the following terms in writing and your captors will let you go. 1) You must promise to never eat ANY of my belongings again. 2) You must promise to openly admit that babies are far superior to dogs in every way (I know this seems weird, but if I were you, I'd just do whatever they ask. Who are we to judge?). 3) You must promise to never mess with me regardless of anything I do to you (Once again, I'm not sure of their motives, but we don't have a choice at this point). Let me know if you agree and I'll pass it along to them.

Mia

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From: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
To: Mia@babies_R_me.com

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:RUN!!

Baby,
Thanks! I'll agree to anything to get out of this Hell.
Sophie

Sent from my Barkberry Wireless Device

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From: Mia@babies_R_me.com
To: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:RUN!!

Sophie,
Wonderful, now that I have it all in writing, I have to tell you something...first of all, you haven't been captured - nobody would want you, Dumbass. Secondly, nobody is dead. They didn't kill mom, she paid them to keep you. Also, about busting you out of there, yeeeeeahh, that's not going to happen. We are actually on vacation and the reason you are there is because we didn't want to bring you. Furthermore, that isn't "prison violation", those are fecal exams from the Vet...and yes, you are getting one. Your cell mates aren't getting waterboarded, they are getting baths. I can only pray that you get one of those. So, in summary, you have been left behind, unwanted, and you have unwittingly agreed to never bother me or my things again. Well done. You should be proud. Oh yeah, I've never told you this but....Sophie, I love y... I couldn't even type that with a straight face.


Mia
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From: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
To: Mia@babies_R_me.com

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:RUN!!

Baby,
You are dead to me. I am going to eat every bottle, every pacifier, and every toy you have. If you look at me the wrong way, I may even eat you.

Sophie

Sent from my Barkberry Wireless Device
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From: Mia@babies_R_me.com
To: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:RUN!!

Sophie,
Don't be so sensitive. I was only messing with you. You know you are my best friend...a dirty, ugly, smelly friend, but still a friend. I hope you enjoy your stay in the pokey. Hopefully, they won't be too rough on you. Now rest up, I hear that fecal exam can take a lot out of you ;)

Mia
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From: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
To: Mia@babies_R_me.com

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:RUN!!

Dead.....to.....me....

Sent from my Barkberry Wireless Device

On Vacation

Amelia has taken us on vacation to see her grandparents. We have not forgotten about the blog. We have just been too busy showing off the little girl to go online and post. We will be back tomorrow night featuring some letters from prison by Sophie. Also, Meggan has released the pictures I referenced a few weeks ago. So, I will post some of those as well.

Is it you?

I watched 'The Soloist' last night and I've been thinking about it ever since. It wasn't that it was the best movie I've ever seen. It was very good, and Jamie Foxx had an incredible performance, but what really struck me was the brilliance of Nathaniel Ayers. I am truly intrigued by actual genius. Along my path through college and during my days in the working world, I have come across a few very smart people. I have met talented musicians, writers, and photographers. I know people who are hilarious and creative beyond control. However, I hope at some point in my life, I am fortunate enough to meet someone with incomparable genius. I'm not speaking of people who skipped a few grades or squeaked into MENSA. I'm not talking about the sharpest person in your office. I'm talking about the sharpest person in your generation. I'm referring to the artist, the author, the doctor that the best and brightest in their fields look to in amazement. By definition, these people are far and few between. Thus, it is highly unlikely that I will ever actually encounter true brilliance. For now, I'll have to sit around and wait to find out if Amelia will be one of these people...considering she blogs at 6 months, she's got a head start.

Pee Wee Herman?

Did I see that right on the Jay Leno show? Is Pee Wee Herman making a comeback?!? If this is true, I will officially believe that 1)Anything is possible and 2)We are nearing the end of times.

Who's next?

So, today I was in line at one of my favorite stops for lunch and I happened into a situation in which I'm not sure if there is an etiquette rule, but there should be. There I was, so hungry I had already begun counting down how many seconds I had left until my stomach literally ate the rest of me. Then, out from the restrooms, a woman started to head my way. She was unremarkable - the standard skirt suit, work badge,and high heels that grow on trees around where I work. She continued to walk closer when I realized she was taking an incorrect path to get BEHIND me. Surely, she was not going to get in line in front of me?!? At that point, my stomach would likely be forced to eat her. So, I made direct eye contact and edged slightly forward. Her response to this? "I'm sorry, I have to be rude and cut in line to join my friend." You what?!? First of all, I hate it when people say "I'm sorry..." and then continue on with doing the exact voluntary action they were reportedly sorry for. Secondly, announcing that you are about to be rude does not indeed make the act any less rude. It is sort of like when someone says "don't take this the wrong way, but..." "Don't take this the wrong way, but have you thought about using Rogaine?" I'm not even sure I could take that the wrong way. Unless you are an actual door to door Rogaine salesman, there is only one way to take that. Sorry, back to my point. The way I see it, this woman had 3 options - to cut me in line, to be temporarily separated from her lunch buddy, or for her lunch buddy to get out of line and join her behind me. It seems like there should be some sort of rule about this. Today, it was just me getting cut. But, what if there were 5 people behind me? Is it cool to cut all of them? I guess what confuses me is why going to the bathroom is not grounds for losing your spot in line? It's not like I can walk halfway to the front of the line and say "Hey, I stopped by the bathroom before I left my office, had I not lost that precious time, I'd be right about here in line. So, I'm going to go ahead and jump in." Although, if I see this lady in line again, I'm definitely going to try it.

The roles are defined

One thing is becoming very apparent in our first stab at parenthood - Meggan has her role and I have mine. Meggan is the nurturer, the loving mother, the safe harbor when Mia doesn't feel well. I, however, am only the court jester. There is no doubt Amelia loves me. She cracks up at the mere sight of me - probably not the first time a girl has done that, but the first time I'm not offended by it. She trusts me as a dad and is very well behaved for me during times when she normally gives Meggan trouble. That said, when times get really tough for her, when she can't sleep, when she wakes up crying, when she doesn't feel well, she wants nothing to do with me. Tonight, we had a perfect example to hammer home these truths. Mia and I had a great time tonight. I played with her in her "jump up and down" chair and she was laughing and having a blast. We put her to bed a little while later. Since she has a slight cold, she had a hard time sleeping and woke up crying. I trudged upstairs to calm her down and get her back to sleep. In my most loving, fatherly way, I scooped her up and held her to my chest, rubbing her back and kissing her on the forehead. Her response - well, she can't speak, but I'm pretty sure it was the baby equivalent of an F bomb. Meggan, hearing this, came upstairs to lend a hand. She took the baby and held her EXACTLY the way I was...and Amelia fell silent. Look, I don't mind being mildly amusing from time to time, but what the hell?!? Apparently, I'm good enough to feed her, clean her, change her, entertain her, but when it comes to comforting her, I need not apply. I think what I have to do is pretty clear. As she gets older and understands what I am saying to her, I'm going to have to make up all kinds of stories about her mother so that she will come to me to comfort instead. I know it seems dirty and low to tell your child that her mother has a contagious baby-flesh eating disease or that she tried to trade her for the complete Sex and The City series on DVD, but I don't see any other options. I simply cannot settle for being the clown dressed in the dad suit.