A Tough Job

Being a parent is hard. Everyone knows this to some extent. However, if you aren't a parent, you know it the way I know giving birth hurts. I can't remember a time in my life where I didn't one day want to have children. I also can't remember a time where I didn't think I'd be a great father.  When I told Meggan I was ready to be a dad, I truly believed it with all my heart. However, four years into this journey I now see I had no idea what it meant to be a great father (I'm learning) and despite my conviction, nobody is ever really ready to be a dad. All the scenarios I played out in my head as "tough parenting moments" essentially boiled down to sitcom fodder and soft serve parental guidance books. In reality, there's no way to know what's coming until it shows up and kicks in your door.  I had no idea I'd have to rush to the emergency room because I was careless enough to drop my precious angel on her head at five weeks old. I didn't know I'd hear the words "the chord is wrapped around his neck" as my son was being born.  I had no idea I'd be faced with a daughter who had a chronic cough for over a year because doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong.  I didn't know I'd have to call 911 in the middle of the night because my baby boy couldn't breathe and was turning colors.  Most recently, I didn't know at only four years old, I'd see my daughter explode into panic over mundane activities like swimming, riding a bike, and driving her Barbie Jeep.  And I didn't know I'd feel overwhelmed with guilt because deep inside I know my lifetime struggle with anxiety is at least partly to blame.  I didn't know any of it. I didn't know the high of loving someone so much that it makes all other love you've felt in your life seem trivial. I also didn't know the low of seeing that someone feel pain, sorrow, or fear. I couldn't have known and neither could anyone else. So, my advice to any prospective parents out there is simple - buy the books and dream the dreams about parenting. They will both help you feel more prepared even if it is just a placebo effect. But, just know that really being a dad (parent) is like riding Space Mountain ... you have butterflies before you take off, there are ups and downs, you can't see the future or even control much of it, it is mostly a ton of fun, but every once in a while, it scares you so badly that you crap your pants a little.