Money Talks

As a parent, you come across some instances where you know your kids are better than they think.  It is your job to get them to believe in themselves.  After years of trying everything I could think of to get Amelia to be aggressive at soccer, I finally offered her $100 if she scored a goal.  I felt pretty safe because she generally plays defense and avoids any sort of offensive spotlight.  I give her credit, she's a tough defender, but she has not taken a shot in 2 seasons. Literally.  Also, she is playing up an age group so as a 9 year-old, she's playing against 11 year-olds.  Well, when money talks, Amelia apparently listens.  In her first game since my deal.... she scored a goal.  Totally worth it.

Planning

Everett is having a buddy sleep over tonight.  I caught them hatching a master plan for bedtime mischief...

... a master plan that Meggan foiled when she found the IPad they hid under their pillows.  Here's a hint, boys, don't hide contraband under your pillow and then ask your mom to put your tooth under there for the Tooth Fairy.  Oh yeah, Everett also lost a tooth tonight. 

Medium

Amelia was holding my wallet for me when she pulled out my driver's license...

Me: Don't lose that. It's important.

Amelia:  Why does it say Hair: BRO?

Everett: Yeah, like nice hair, Bro!!

Me: No, Bro. It means I have brown hair.

Amelia:  It should said Hair: BALD

Me: Thanks, baby. You're the best.

Amelia:  Why does it say Sex: M?

Me: That mean my gender is male.

Amelia: Noooo, it means Sex: Medium because you're medium sexy.

Everett: Whaaaaaaat?!?

Me: Give me my wallet back. Now.


On one hand, I can't believe she knows the word sexy (even if she doesn't really know what she's saying).  On the other hand, I'm flattered I'm a medium.

Back Again

For those of you wondering, no I didn't quit the blog, go into a coma, or run away from home. Well, actually, that last one isn't that far off.  I just got home from celebrating 20 years of friendship with these guys....

Between us, we moved hundreds of miles, gotten married, gotten divorced, and had a gang of kids.  We don't see each other as much as we'd like, we don't talk as much as we should, but when we get together, it's like no time has passed.

Love Now

My mom's 75th birthday would have been last week.  A dear friend of mine lost his father to cancer last night. Another close friend is taking his furry best friend to the vet for the final time in the morning.  I don't tell you this to dwell on sadness. I tell you this to remind you to love now. Call your parents. Get in the floor and play a game with your kids.  Give your dog an extra spoonful of peanut butter. Today.

Ready to Learn

If you have to stay inside doing homework during a terrible weather weekend, you should do it wearing your favorite Pokemon watch, Army-man dog tags, and Harry Potter glasses.  If you aren't playing with your toys, you may as well represent them...

Power Up

With Hurricane Florence headed our way, we had to make sure we had all the essentials.... donuts, doritos, and drinks. Now, let's just hope we keep our power on so my ice cream sandwiches don't melt.

One Upper

Just when I was getting used to the sight of this beautiful port-a-potty in our neighborhood...

.... another neighbor upped the ante...

....I'm Googling "mailbox urinals" ASAP. 

Biker Problems

What do you do when you tell your kids you'll take them to ride their bikes only to have it start pouring rain? You find an empty parking garage and let them go crazy.  Problem solved....

How do you teach a kid to ride without his training wheels when he's big enough to put them back on himself?

...yeah, that one is still a problem.

Busted

We were wondering what happened to this sad looking thing....

and then we busted this sneaky guy...

Buds

There is no better way to enjoy relaxing on your patio set than to have your little buddy draped over you while he plays games. 

Useful

Me: Hey, bud, what are you doing?

Everett (lifting up his shirt): Looking at my nipples

Me: Put your shirt down.

Everett:  Why? I'm looking at them.

Me: Well, stop. They don't do anything. 

Everett: Yes they do

Me:  Sorry, buddy. You're a boy. 

Everett:  They still do something.

Me: Oh yeah, what's that?

Everett:  Ummm, if you're a superhero, you can shoot lasers out of them. 

Me: (saying nothing because I was laughing too hard)