For the last two years, I have thought I was a pretty good parent. However, this last bout of Amelia being sick has shown me that I simply had a very easy job raising a very easy baby. The severity of this coughing spell certainly hasn't been nearly in the league of others. That said, the facts that it has come from nowhere and the doctors have essentially given up on figuring out the cause have really done a number on me.
In the past, the period of time after Amelia went to bed was a chance for relaxation and rest. Now, I think I can safely say Meggan and I dread putting her to bed. It is only a matter of time before the coughing starts and the stress builds. We try honey. We try a humidifier. We try steroids. We try Vick's. We try onions. We try elevated pillows. We try inhalers. We try D-Allergy. We try Singulair. We try cough medicine. We try prayer. And on most nights, we try all of the above...and none of it matters.
I'm certainly not any better or worse of a parent than I was before Amelia started getting sick. I just have to work a hell of a lot harder for it these days. I used to think rocking her to sleep and making her feel safe was enough. Last night, she rolled off her elevated pillow and literally used my head as a replacement...for over an hour. As I contemplated moving her hot, pacifier slurping coconut off my cheek, I realized I was just happy she was sleeping and I couldn't disturb her. I'm not sure if that makes me a pretty good parent or just a really tired parent. Either way, I'd like to go back in time and tell my pre-sickness self to take it easy on the self congratulation because any monkey can parent a happy, smart, healthy child.
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