It's Over

Amelia has officially crossed into the land of the unstoppable. Just as I thought her learning to climb onto the couch with ease while maintaining absolutely zero regard for gravity, hardwood floors, or the marriage of the two was bad, it got worse. As I was cooking her dinner tonight, she walked over to the pantry, reached up, and opened the door. Doors were our last hope. Once inside the pantry, she went straight for her vat of animal crackers. Unable to crack the lid with her tiny scavenger hands, she quickly moved on to a box of Milk Bones. In all fairness to her, she did bring the Milk Bone to Sophie rather than eat it herself. That said, I wouldn't trust her judgement given a few more moments to think about it...after all, I've seen her bite crayons in half. How bad can a Milk Bone taste? This whole scenario can mean only one thing - it's time to move to baby-proofing threat level orange.

So cute to be soooo gross

In 16 months of snotty noses, barfing nights, and dirty diapers, I have come a long way in learning to deal with the grossness of being a dad. That said, tonight, I can safely say that Amelia is one foul little girl. When I opened her Diaper Genie to empty it, I kid you not, my chest hair burned off. I'm not sure if they are sneaking her enchiladas at daycare or what, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to touch up the walls where the paint melted. If you think I am exaggerating, this should put that to rest... Sophie, who treated the litter box like a salad bar, literally hid under the bed once I pulled out the bag. Why would I write about my little pooping machine and risk her future embarassment? Because, as we are approaching potty training age, I want you all to know that I am a scared, scared man. Trust me, this will be much harder on me than it is on her.

Fly like a bird

Yesterday, when we went to check on our tiny bird friends, we were greeted with this completely empty nest.



Now, neither Meggan nor myself are experts in bird-rearing. Realistically, we are only vaguely good at child-rearing. However, in our minds, the birds were nowhere near ready to fly the last time we saw them. That said, here are the only guesses I have on what could have happened to them...

1) In an effort to prove how little I know, they actually got up and flew away

2) Growing weary of our nonstop paparazzi act, they repelled down the fern and walked to another house

3) Sophie, an ever compassionate soul, let them into the house to watch soaps with her and get out of the heat

4) They were adopted by Brad and Angelina

While we may never know what happened to the baby birds, we can hope they have found themselves a safe, new home where they can have children of their own. Only next time, please don't do it in our plants as we had to let this one die in order to not disturb you.

Not looking good

Number of hours Amelia has been in bed - 2.5

Number of times she has coughed - 27,000

This could be the beginning of a loooong night.

Yes....and Yes

We have discovered two things that Amelia really, really likes - Sam's Club and Animal Crackers.....

Play Time

We managed to sneak in some good play time with Amelia tonight. She was in an unusually good mood, so we tried to capture some of it in pictures and videos (sorry for the sideways videos)...





clearly, something disastrous has occurred... we just never found out what is was...


Mia hard at play... and crashing down on her mom...


Post-play after party... no cameras allowed...

tip the scales

Today at work, I took a positive step towards supporting my family and providing for all of Amelia's needs.

Today at work, I took a negative step towards supporting my writing and providing for all of my dreams.

...And that's the balancing act of it all.

Time Out

After Mia's wrath of physical violence and outright refusal to do things, we have decided to institute a new Time-Out policy. So far, we have been placing Amelia on a small mat in the corner for 1 minute at a time when she acts up. I'm not sure if she is actually learning any lessons, but I can tell you she really, really hates sitting in time-out. Will this corner of doom teach Amelia to stop beating on people or will it build a rage inside her? I suppose only time will tell. Just in case it is the latter, I apologize in advance to the parents of the children in her class.

Quality Time?

To the dad at the pool with his young daughter this weekend (and any others who are reading): close your laptop, stop sending your daughter to the pool to get away from you, and answer her the first time she calls your name. Simply being her driver that takes her to the pool does not make you a good father. I'm sure you are busy and I'm sure you are hard at work so you can support your family. However, that work will be there for the next 30 years or so. Your daughter will be this age for only a few months. In a few years, I promise you people from work will still command your attention. However, you will have moved far down your daughter's priority list by then. Cherish this time while she is impressed by you, happy to be seen with you in public, and actually enjoys your company. This is a fleeting moment that you can't get back. Put the computer away, get off your ass, and splash in the water like it's your first time at a pool. Your daughter will love you for it and your work won't seem as bad once you get a little perspective.

Date Night?

Last night was either a very low point or quite a high point depending on your perspective. Meggan and I dropped off Amelia at Parent's Night Out and were set to go on a "date". However, we couldn't really think of anything we wanted to do. We did have a very nice grown-up dinner at a restaurant we can't dine at with Mia. THEN, we basically hit a wall on ideas. It got so bad at one point that we found ourselves in line at Target with complete strangers giving us date ideas...So, yes, actually being at Target on our date was NOT the low point. We cycled through all ideas...Movies? Nothing we both wanted to see; Bowling? Ehh, more of a group thing; Live music we had originally planned for? HOT AS HELL outside. Going downtown to night spots? We had to get Amelia at 10, so we would have left before anyone else got there. Thus, we had nothing. As sad, and likely somewhat pathetic, as it all sounds, we both had a really good time. Somewhere along the way we realized that we were trying to force the action when all we really wanted to do was enjoy each other's company without responsibility for Amelia. So, there were no concerts, no plays, no larger than life date activities. However, there were drinks, cupcakes, and good conversation...and most importantly, no high chair was required. And, it was great.

Mine or Hers?

Today, I was on the floor wrestling with Amelia. I had assumed the role of the ticklemonster and she was in the midst of the kind of laughter that only kids can produce. At some point during this a realization washed over me. Now, what took me nearly 16 months to realize is quite possibly painfully obvious to all of you. But, I actually feel that I not only hadn't previously realized this, but I have actually been approaching it from the entirely opposite direction.

What dawned on me as she climbed me like a jungle gym leaving no square inch safe from her trail of drool? It was that I have no Earthly idea if my dad ever played with me like that. I have mentioned on here before that my father passed away when I was 6. Naturally, I have memories of my dad. Graciously, I can even say that every memory I have of my dad is a good one. They may not have all been his finest moments, but they are the only moments I was fortunate enough to get. For that, they will each sit in the highest praise from me as long as my brain can grasp onto them. Who knows, as days pass and they begin to slide, maybe the blurred line between reality and imagination will replace them with even better versions of themselves. However, none of those memories are until age 3 or so. It is commonly held that our earliest memories larger than any snippets or flashes come from roughly this age range. This is where today's thought was put into perspective for me. I have spent all of Amelia's life thus far focusing on experiences from her perspective. What will she enjoy? What will make her life great? What would she want from her dad? Yet, all this time, I should have focused on the experiences from my point of view. She's not going to remember this time while it will go down as one of the greatest periods of my life. There is clearly something to be said for all she learns now, all she grows from, and all that stems from her current experience. She needs the safest, happiest, most nurturing environment possible and I would never deviate from that. But, when I chase her down the aisles of a shoe store, laughing as if we are the only people around, that's not for her...it's for me. When I play the opening theme to Sesame Street, the precious takeaway is not her enjoying the music enough to dance...it is me enjoying her dancing. It isn't about the smile blowing bubbles brings to her face...it's about the smile her smile brings to my face. Soon enough, Amelia will begin gathering memories of her own. And, our emphasis will switch to making shared memories as a family. However, for now, I am going take this time for what I now realize it is - a fleeting moment for me to appreciate Amelia's experiences far more than she does.

Beep Beep

They grow up so fast. It seems like just yesterday that I was learning how to strap her in her car seat. Now, my baby girl is all grown up and has her own car...even if she can only drive in reverse and needs me to help her up hills...

Overload

I had intended to write a blog post tonight, but I was tasked with finding our hotel for New York. Uhhhhh, yeeeahhh, let's just say there are more than a few options. I looked at about 250,000 hotels tonight and have narrowed it down to a handful (any recommendations would be greatly appreciated). As overwhelming as the search has been, it has gotten us very excited about our trip. Of course, after we pay for the hotel, we'll have to beg for food in Central Park.

Who's afraid?

As has been well documented on here and even more well documented in my offline life, I am afraid to fly. Now, when I say afraid to fly, I don't mean "I dislike flying". I'm more in the "airplanes are the work of Satan put here specifically to suck the life out of me one claustrophobia induced panicked breath at a time". Thus, I have avoided flying like the plague, logging a total of roughly 8 hours on planes over the last 12 years.

I have two very important ladies whose lives I influence. One is smart, funny, ambitious, and successful... The other still poops her pants, but will hopefully be all of the above one day. In a surprise to nobody, people who fit this description like to travel and they sure as hell don't want to do it in a Winnebago. So, I figured I'd better either learn to live with flying or I'd have to see pictures of Meggan and Amelia's vacations on the blog with the rest of you.

In an effort to combat this fear (and put my money where my mouth is so I have ground to stand on when I tell Mia to face her fears) I am taking Meggan to New York. I won't be posting any dates on here as I keep a general practice of not alerting the public to when my house will potentially be vacant. This is actually a service to robbers as I assure you they don't want to tangle with Sophie, who takes her job of guarding the house very seriously. Meggan is beside herself with excitement over this trip. I am guardedly excited as well. I've never been to New York, so I'm looking forward to experiencing it. It is one of the most unique cities on Earth. More importantly, I'm excited to have finally stepped up to the plate to take my swing at flying. Clearly, I have a host of reasons to do this. But, for me, it is 90% about Amelia. I've had numerous people tell me how great this will be for my career. Contrary to popular opinion, that aspect is of minimal importance to me. What they don't understand, frankly, is if me flying keeps Mia from ever being afraid of it, that will be worth more money than I could ever make.

Double Trouble

Amelia found another way to get into trouble today. In some ways, I find this a bit worrisome. In other ways, I find her to be marvelously hilarious. Apparently, during nap time, not only did she refuse to get in her bad, but she decided to walk around to each child's cot and tell them "night night". While on the surface it appears she may have been acting overly polite, I doubt the teachers felt it was polite when they asked her to please go to bed and she replied with a swift "NO". As we have now combined slapping, talking back, and outright refusing to nap, I think the only question remaining is do I need to contact Dr. Phil or Supernanny?

Trouble

It is now official...my daughter is a bully. I'm not sure how a very shy girl who is small for her size becomes a bully. What I do know, however, is that upon leaving class the last two days, Amelia has decided it would be a good idea to smack a classmate across the face. These have been two different victims, so I don't think it is targeted attacks. They are likely just in the wrong place at the wrong time near the wrong pissed off little girl who is establishing mob boss-like dominance. Now that she has learned to say "No-No" as well as give a strong pimp slap, I can only anxiously await the day she puts them together and puts me in my place.

National Geographic Continued

This morning, we were able to capture a little video of the baby bird. For those of you who can't tell what is happening in the video, Amelia has been nice enough to narrate.

Photos

I was shown new photo editing software tonight. I'm sure it's not new to most people. But, considering all previous photos went on here directly from my camera, it is new to me. So, you can expect to see photos you have previously seen as I try out various functions of the software.

New resident update

As a follow up to my bird egg post, I am pleased to announce a new arrival in the nest. I tried to get a couple pictures, but I was too afraid I would disturb the course of nature, so forgive their lack of clarity.

Hmm, this time....not so good.

We have been pretty open about how thankful we are for all the things Amelia learns at daycare. While we'd like to think of ourselves as fantastic parents, we really can't take credit for some of Mia's finest moments. We did not teach her the "Hokey Pokey". It was at school where she learned "If you're happy and you know it...". They have helped her learn to sit in a chair and eat with utensils. Hopefully, they will be instrumental in potty training...seriously, I'm REALLY REALLY hopeful. All that said, this time, I'm not sure I'm thrilled with her newest development. This weekend, for the first time, I was scolded by my 15 month-old daughter. Since then, I have been told "No-No" with a wagging finger over and over again. I had assumed Mia picked this up from her mother or maybe she had heard it a few times at school. However, today we learned this was purposefully taught to the kids as a way for them to let the other children know not to take their toys. Now, Amelia and her friends run around like unruly pirates saying "No-no" to all authority figures. So, I'm going to have to work on correcting her of that habit...if she'll allow me to.

Home Sweet Home

While watering our ferns on the front patio tonight we found out that we have a few new residents preparing for arrival. I'll give them a few days before I let them know their rent is late...

spoke...too...soon

As soon as Amelia walked out the door, her eyes immediately started again. This makes me think it is allergies, but we are headed to her pediatrician to make sure. I don't know what we are going to do if her allergies are so bad she instantly can't see or breathe just by going outside. Anybody looking to buy a house? I may be moving to the desert.

Looking good

I was expecting Mia to wake up today with swollen eyes that were stuck together with goo. I was already imagining how bad a baby with pink eye would be considering they don't understand the effects of rubbing their eyes. In some ways, I had already mentally spread pink eye to Meggan and myself. However, much to my pleasant surprise, Mia looks like a million bucks this morning. Her eyes are white as snow with no goo in sight. So, the good news is it isn't pink eye and the Zyrtec really helped her allegies. The bad news is her allergies were worse last night than ever. If it continues, we may have to move....or at least ship her somewhere.

Pretty in pink?

Well, all good things must come to an end. Amelia's health is apparently no exception to this time tested rule. Recently, we have been very fortunate with Mia. Of course, it required ear tubes, inhalers, and countless medicines to become "fortunate". That said, today was the day the bubble burst. On the ride home from school, she looked like Rocky Balboa after a fight. Her eyes were red, swollen, and leaking like faucets. This could be either pink eye or a severe case of allergies. We got some eye drops for pink eye just in case. We'll likely know better in the morning.

Out of place

Well, I am away from home tonight without Amelia, Meggan, or Sophie. This is a very, very rare event. I'm away for my niece's graduation, which other than making me feel really old, is a great cause. However, I'm not one of those people who relishes the opportunity to be away. Yeah, yeah, I know... absence makes the heart grow fonder... A little time apart does you some good... Various other crap people say when they need a break. In some small form, I agree with all the old cliches. But, for the most part, I don't see what's wrong with being happy with the home and family you have built for yourself. I don't see the problem with *gasp* actually PREFERRING to be on vacation with your wife and child. Meggan is the person on this Earth that I most enjoy spending my time with. I can honestly say the pleasure of her company is a treat I never grow tired of. If admitting this makes me less of a man, I'm okay with that - because I feel like it makes me more of a husband.

High Fashion

These are horrific and yet, I'm compelled to put Amelia in them so that she can "poo in blue".

The best dad in this house

It was another daddy and Mia night tonight as Meggan had to work. I didn't have particularly high expectations for the night - I figured I'd read a little while Amelia played a few classical pieces on her piano. Alas, the stars were not aligned with that plan. At one point in the evening, there was a combination of factors that will give me nightmares for weeks... Amelia was not feeling well because she had shots today, she is cutting her eye teeth, she was covered in spaghetti, she was screaming in fear at the continual loud thunder from the storms we had, and she decided it was a great time to test all restraints and seals of her diaper with a massive poo. Luckily, this isn't my first rodeo. Rather than run screaming into the rain, I kissed her boo boos from her shots, got her a frozen teething ring, enlisted Sophie to help clean the spaghetti mess, cranked up Elmo so we couldn't hear the thunder, and manhandled that diaper. Who knew? Somewhere along the way I became a full fledged dad.