From: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
To: Mia@babies_R_me.com
Subject: RUN!!
Baby,
I hope I was able to get this message to you in time. If they haven't gotten you yet, you should run. Mom brought me somewhere and I don't know what they've done with her, but they've got me locked up with several other dogs. I fear for her life as she has not yet come to save me. This appears to be some sort of torture prison. Since they've had me, I've seen them completely violate my cell mate while waterboarding two others. Baby, I know this will be hard for you, but it is very important, DO NOT COME FOR ME. It's too late for me, save yourself.
Sophie
Sent from my Barkberry Wireless Device
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From: Mia@babies_R_me.com
To: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
Subject: Re:RUN!!
Sophie,
It's worse than you can imagine! They came here and made me watch while they tortured dad. Then, the animals ate all of your bones and dog food and pulled your toys apart limb from limb. Afterwards, I heard them discussing all the things they were going to do to you. I begged them for their mercy, but they said you had eaten one of my pacifiers for the last time. If only you hadn't done that, dad would be alive, mom would be alive, you'd still have your toys and food, and we'd still be a family. I don't know how long I can fight the urge to come save you.
Mia
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From: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
To: Mia@babies_R_me.com
Subject: Re:Re:RUN!!
Baby,
I'm sorry I did this. If I somehow survive the waterboarding and prison violation, I'll be a changed dog. Baby, I've never told you this, but ...I love you.
Sophie
Sent from my Barkberry Wireless Device
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From: Mia@babies_R_me.com
To: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
Subject: Re:Re:Re:RUN!!
Sophie,
It's okay. I forgive you. I've been working tirelessly to negotiate your release. I'm going to need you to commit to the following terms in writing and your captors will let you go. 1) You must promise to never eat ANY of my belongings again. 2) You must promise to openly admit that babies are far superior to dogs in every way (I know this seems weird, but if I were you, I'd just do whatever they ask. Who are we to judge?). 3) You must promise to never mess with me regardless of anything I do to you (Once again, I'm not sure of their motives, but we don't have a choice at this point). Let me know if you agree and I'll pass it along to them.
Mia
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From: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
To: Mia@babies_R_me.com
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:RUN!!
Baby,
Thanks! I'll agree to anything to get out of this Hell.
Sophie
Sent from my Barkberry Wireless Device
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From: Mia@babies_R_me.com
To: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:RUN!!
Sophie,
Wonderful, now that I have it all in writing, I have to tell you something...first of all, you haven't been captured - nobody would want you, Dumbass. Secondly, nobody is dead. They didn't kill mom, she paid them to keep you. Also, about busting you out of there, yeeeeeahh, that's not going to happen. We are actually on vacation and the reason you are there is because we didn't want to bring you. Furthermore, that isn't "prison violation", those are fecal exams from the Vet...and yes, you are getting one. Your cell mates aren't getting waterboarded, they are getting baths. I can only pray that you get one of those. So, in summary, you have been left behind, unwanted, and you have unwittingly agreed to never bother me or my things again. Well done. You should be proud. Oh yeah, I've never told you this but....Sophie, I love y... I couldn't even type that with a straight face.
Mia
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From: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
To: Mia@babies_R_me.com
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:RUN!!
Baby,
You are dead to me. I am going to eat every bottle, every pacifier, and every toy you have. If you look at me the wrong way, I may even eat you.
Sophie
Sent from my Barkberry Wireless Device
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From: Mia@babies_R_me.com
To: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:RUN!!
Sophie,
Don't be so sensitive. I was only messing with you. You know you are my best friend...a dirty, ugly, smelly friend, but still a friend. I hope you enjoy your stay in the pokey. Hopefully, they won't be too rough on you. Now rest up, I hear that fecal exam can take a lot out of you ;)
Mia
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From: top_dog@licksandstoagies.com
To: Mia@babies_R_me.com
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:RUN!!
Dead.....to.....me....
Sent from my Barkberry Wireless Device
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