Apparently, THAT was not how you remove the filter

When you have one of these -





and one of these -




you end up with dust bunnies large enough that you actually have to take them outside and shoot them just to protect your family.

Well, when you get one of these (a new Dyson vacuum cleaner)-




and you don't read the instructions when trying to empty the disgusting filter after vacuuming every nook and cranny of your home, you get....

a GIANT pile of dust, dirt, and fur spilled all over your freshly cleaned floor. I will not be posting a picture of this, as it is grotesque enough for you to call child services on us.

One year checkup results

Height - 25th percentile

Weight - 25th percentile

Head circumference - 90th percentile



Yep, she's mine!

Many Thanks

I wanted to come on here and thank everyone for all the gifts, attention, and well-wishes for Amelia's birthday. I'm not sure she really got the full effect, or even any effect from it at her age. However, I assure you Meggan and I are deeply grateful to have all of you in our lives and more importantly to have you as the center of influence for Amelia. She is a lucky girl and one day she will fully grasp the full extent of that good fortune. In the meantime, we'll keep just keep taking plenty of pictures of Mia crying at all her parties.

Toddler?

Tomorrow is a big day for Amelia. It is her first day in the toddler room. She has spent a tiny bit of time in there each day this week, but tomorrow is basically a full day. She will begin to drink from a cup instead of a bottle, sleep on a cot instead of a crib, and eat off a plate on a table instead of a tray on a high chair. To me, this seems like a hell of a price to pay for turning 1. I'm sure there will be some struggles early on, particularly if you consider Amelia escaping from a cot and crawling over to play with toys a struggle. That said, I really do think getting the chance to see some of the older kids (I would say bigger, but considering she is the smallest kid in her current class, size doesn't seem to matter) will be a huge help in her development. So, assuming none of the kids eat her (she has come home with bite marks twice now) and assuming her new teachers are remotely close to as awesome as the teachers she has had so far, I have complete faith in the transition....that doesn't mean I am going to start referring to my baby girl as a toddler, though.

Happy Birthday Letter

Dear Amelia,

I am writing to you from a hotel room in Tampa, Florida. I’m missing you so much it hurts, but I just “talked” to you on the phone and hearing you say “da da” almost made me cry. That’s right, I am away on your first birthday, but I want you to know that I booked a very expensive flight that will get me home tomorrow to see you before you go to bed. And judging from how much you hate birthday parties, I figure you won’t be too angry with me.

Speaking of shying away from attention, you are so much like me it’s uncanny. You like to play by yourself at daycare, but you can turn it on when you need to. Every day, a little piece of your personality starts to shine, and I can tell you are growing up to be a spirited, funny, sweet and loving little girl.

As cliché as it sounds, it seems like only yesterday that I was pushing for two hours to give birth to you. No offense, but your head was just too darn big to get out! I should start from the beginning. You were due on February 22. After a week of your dad having to help me make every single move due to my sciatic nerve pain, I held Dr. Palermo at gunpoint (kidding) and demanded she induce me. So, I left her office and she scheduled me to be induced on Monday, February 23, and she said the hospital would call me early that morning to let me know when to come in.

Being pregnant was not as hard as it could have been, but I’m a wimp. I could not go in the grocery store for the first several months because of my food aversions. And, sorry, but you ate a lot of McDonalds and Zaxbys and had a LOT of juice along the 9 months. I remember paying such careful attention to how often I could feel you move. I knew that if all else failed, I could turn on my laptop and place it on my lap, and away you would go.

So, anyway, early on February 23, the hospital called at 5:00 a.m. Daddy and I had a minor freak out, and then proceeded to get ready to go. We called Grandpa and Grandma who got on the road from Glennville, and Aunt Stacy and Maw Maw who got on the road from Atlanta. They told us to be there at 7:00 a.m., so we drove to the hospital to have you. I remember walking into the hospital alone (daddy decided to sit that one out) (again I kid) wondering if I would make it through the day. I don’t think it had actually sunk in that I would leave the hospital a mother. This was all just fun and games and shopping for pretty pink things up to that point.

But after 13 hours of labor, several orange jello cups, 2 nurses, one painful, but blissful epidural and 2 hours of pushing later, you were born at 10:10 p.m. You were 7 pounds, 15 ounces and 20 inches long. You only cried a few times, and I watched them bathe you in my room……then I ate a hamburger and went to sleep. A few days later, we left the hospital and they let me take you home. I kept thinking that if they knew how unprepared I was, they would have certainly taken you and given you to someone far more qualified.

Grandma stayed with us that week, and you literally slept and only woke up to be changed and fed your two ounces of milk. Piece of cake. I convinced myself that you were just going to be easy, and smugly decided that I was definitely a pro at the whole motherhood deal. Then Grandma left, and you woke up. For our first day alone, you screamed at me constantly. I walked you, fed you, bounced you, sang to you, and nothing worked. Finally, I cried with you….and called the pediatrician. They said that you probably were ready to move up to 3 ounces of milk. Who knew? So, I gave you your extra ounce, and sure enough that was the trick. This was the first time of many I felt so silly for not figuring it out, but in my defense, you should have used your words ;).

Pretty soon, you and I got the hang of one another. I learned to plan for a diaper change if a trip involved a car ride or a bathroom with no Koala Bear Care change center and you learned to take a bottle at the mall. To this day, nothing moves you like a good car ride. It was during my time off from work that you and I discovered our favorite pastime, shopping. You love it as much as I do, and I have to admit that I love you for that, and many other things, but I love that about you.You and I have conquered Black Friday together. You took a bottle of milk in line at Gymboree so that we could press on on our quest for deals.

As for milestones, let’s see. You come to everything in your own perfect time. Daddy and I worked and worked to get a smile from you, and it took forever. And forget about laughing, we almost have to bring in a circus to get a chuckle from you! But I know that you like to be tickled under your arms, and if all else fails, we bring in Sophie. When Sophie can’t get you to smile, we bring in the pediatrician.

You rolled over I guess around 4 months. You and I were playing on the floor, and I said that you wouldn’t roll over because you were being lazy, and just then, you rolled from you back to your tummy and proved me wrong.

You began to sit up at 6 months, and then around 9 months you began to crawl like someone whose legs were paralyzed. We resigned ourselves to the fact that this was your crawl, and then one night, you took off on your hands and knees and once again showed me.

You finally cut teeth around 9 months, but you were also having chronic ear infections. So, when you were 11 months old, we took you in to see a doctor who put tubes in your ears. That was the saddest thing watching you in your Looney Toon gown. The last time I saw you in your hospital gown was during an unfortunate incident in which Daddy dropped you when you were 5 weeks old. I will let him explain that one.

So, here we are on the night before your first birthday. You have grown and changed so much. I could not be more proud of you, and I take any opportunity to talk about you to anyone who listens. You love Sesame Street and doggies. Your first word has been doggie (pronounced dada). You are now 20 pounds and the tiniest in your class. You love to eat hot dogs and cheese and cereal bars and Gerber puffs. You are the only kid who actually prefers an organic, whole grain cereal bar to birthday cake. You have the bluest eyes and the chubbiest cheeks and Daddy’s chin.

We just got your fourth hair cut! You have the funniest dance—you shake your head side to side and twist your upper body while keeping your pointer fingers up. You hate your car seat and you love snuggling. Your favorite toy is probably a toy drumstick. You love to carry it around and chew on it.

You aren’t walking regularly, only a few steps here and there, but I have a feeling it won’t be long. You love helping me unload the dishwasher, and I’ve caught you trying to climb in. Your first birthday cakes were Tinkerbell and a doggie. Your smash cake was a dog bone. You wouldn’t touch it.

I can’t wait to see what the next year brings for you, Amelia. I can see you will be a girl who will always bring joy to anyone lucky enough to know you. I know because you already do. You deserve every wonderful thing this world has to offer, and me and Daddy are working to make sure you can have everything you wish for.

This week, you are moving up to the “toddler” room, and I want to cry every time I think about calling you a toddler rather than an infant. You will have to understand when I still call you my baby 30 years from now. When you have your own babies, I think you will.

I love you more than I ever thought I could love anything. You are the only proof I need to know that God does indeed exist because only he could think up a love like this.

Sweet dreams, Mookie. Mommy will see you tomorrow.

Mr. Mom

Meggan left for a 3 day conference this afternoon. This leaves Amelia in the sole care of yours truly. Luckily, she's too young and uninformed to be afraid of that situation. That said, I'm sure Meggan is sweating it. I think we are going to be just fine sans Mom. For our first afternoon together, we took a long walk around the neighborhood, played at a friend's house, and then came home for a nice episode of Sesame Street. The lone problem came up at bedtime where Amelia decided it would be a good idea to throw her bottle on the ground instead of drink any of it and to have a "stand-in" in her crib where she would stand and scream in protest of going to bed. At one point during the screaming, I went to the FedEx website to see what it would cost to mail Amelia to her mom's hotel. However, we eventually came to an agreement and she fell asleep. So, assuming she stays that way all night, I will consider our first day a huge success...considering her hunger strike, I'm not going to hold my breathe.

One good birthday item

Amelia may not have acted like she enjoyed her birtday parties, but she clearly loves dancing to the opening to Sesame Street.

Birthday Girl

Amelia has now had birtday parties in consecutive weekends. Here is a brief view of how they went...







Okay, the first party was a bust...so, we changed our hats.....





Did it help.....





uhhhh, NO.

Well, there you have it. Two parties, both stinkers. Perhaps the best representation of Amelia's opinion of her first birthday can be captured in this photo of an apparent cake-turd from her doggie-shaped birthday cake

The Great War

There comes a point at least once a night in which Amelia needs something. Usually, this requirement is nothing more than a pacifier and a soft rub on the back. Sure, sitting on your couch at 10pm this doesn't sound so bad. However, crawling out from under the covers at 4am is a completely different story. For us, this usually comes down to jockeying, verbal or otherwise, as to who is getting up. Here is a dramatization of this experience -

Amelia: wwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Meggan: (acting as if she is asleep and doesn't hear anything)

Me: (acting as if I am asleep, but rustling around in hopes of nudging Meggan awake)

Amelia: wwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaiamstillcryingsoyoubetterhurryuporitwillgetworseaaahhhhhh

Meggan: Will you go give her a pacifier?

Me: (still acting as if I am asleep)

Meggan: Randall, wake up.

Amelia: wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaiknowyouhearmeyoudirtyratsaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Me: (coming out of my "sleep") huh, what's going on?

Meggan: Amelia needs a paci.

Me: I got her the last one

Meggan: I got the two before that

Me: I had to go downstairs and get the last one I got her

Meggan: I had to whittle my two out of wood

Me: That seems unlikely. Either way, it's your tur.... owww, oh Lord, my leg is cramping. I can't get up.

Meggan: Walking it off will help the cramp.

Amelia: wwwwaaaaihopeyouknowhowmuchihatehavinglazyparentsaaaaaaahhhh

Me: I can't see well in the dark.

Meggan: I think I heard a noise and I'm afraid to get up. While you are checking it out, drop a pacifier by Amelia's crib.

Me: That noise you heard was my ankle popping. Its got arthritis setting in from where I broke it. I better keep it elevated.

Meggan: I lost a leg in the Great War...and I have phantom arthritis in my missing ankle.

Me: You weren't even alive then. I'm pretty sure you had two legs when you came to bed.

Meggan: See?? I'm delirious. You'd better go.

Amelia: wwwaaaaaaaaasophieifyoucanhearthisbringmeapacifieraaaahhhhhh

Me: Just go. I have a REALLY long day at work tomorrow.

Meggan: I'd love to, but I have a rare skin sensitivity to cold temperatures. I have to stay under the covers for my safety.

Me: We keep the house warm for Amelia

Meggan: I don't want to get sweaty. I showered right before bed.

Me: You could have given her a paci and been back by now.

Meggan: You could have done it twice. You are much faster than I am.

Me: But not as fast as Sophie.

Sophie: Screw you guys. Keep me out of this. I don't have thumbs and I just licked my butt, so I doubt you want me carrying it to her in my mouth.

Amelia: wwwaaaadoesanyonehavethenumberforchildservicesaaaahhhhh

Meggan: Okay, you go this time and I'll go next time.

Me: You said that the last 3 times.

Meggan: I really mean it this time.

Me: You said THAT the last 2 times.

Meggan: I just wanted to give you a chance to contribute since I take her to daycare and pick her up each day, Then, I prepare her meals and feed her.

Me: I don't want to interfere with the bond you've built as the apparent sole provider of care for her.

Meggan: It's a fact that daughters with less involved dads are more likely to become strippers

Me: So, now she is going to be a stripper if you bring her a paci?

Meggan: Nothing is guaranteed, but I don't want to risk it.

Amelia: waaaaaaseriouslygetoffyourfatrumporiamgoingtogetreallyreallyreallypissedaaaahh

Me: Why don't we just play Rock,Paper,Scissors?

Meggan: It's dark. I can't see.

Me: Okay, on the count of 3, we'll just say it out loud.

Meggan: Whatever

Me: 1....

Me: 2....

Me: 3....

Both of Us: (Silence)

Meggan: You didn't say anything!!

Me: Neither did you! Let's try again.

Me: 1....

Me: 2....

Me: 3....

Me: Rock!

Meggan (A full second late): Paper! You lose.

Me: You cheated! Once more...at the SAME time.

Me: 1....

Me: 2....

Me: 3....

Me: Scissors!

Meggan: getoffyourassandgetherapacifierbecauseifihavetogetupiamnotcomingbacktobeduntilihavedivorcepapersforyoutosign

Me: Hmm, that beats scissors. I'll do it this time, but you are doing it next.

Meggan: Sorry, that ship has sailed.

Me: You are so lame.

Meggan: Shhh. I'm trying to go back to sleep before my missing leg starts acting up again.

Me: I'm going...and quit pretending you lost a leg in war just to keep from getting out of bed. It is pathetic.

Meggan: Agree to disagree. Hurry back.

Sophie: Sucker.

Amelia: Sucker.

Trouble

Amelia has been crawling for a few months now. During this time, she hasn't found her way into many precarious places. However, tonight, she finally found the stairs. Her new thing is to climb. Her old thing was to crawl. So, I suppose it was just a matter of time until she put the two together. I was actually hoping she'd have a little more trouble with it than she did. She basically just crawled to the stairs and flew right up them (don't worry Meggan was sitting on them - which is why she crawled them in the first place - but, she was in no danger). Luckily, my experience of helping put up the first baby gate should help me quickly install another at the bottom of the stairs. Until then, we will just have to place Sophie on guard on the bottom step.

Day Off

Let me start by saying I love my daughter more than anything on this Earth. I am thankful for every single day with her. I also know there will come a day, much sooner than I anticipate, that she won't want to hang out with me. Having said all that, Meggan and I had a day off from work today and instead of keeping Amelia home, we put her in daycare...it...was...awesome. Before anyone judges us, keep in mind that we don't have any family living near us and we don't have any babysitters around so this is probably the 4th time in a year that we have had a whole day to ourselves. We took full advantage by relaxing, going to a restaurant we can't take Mia to, catching a movie in the theater, etc. It is days like today that make me retroactively appreciate all the things I used to take for granted...like NOT stopping in the middle of lunch to change a dangerously foul smelling diaper.

We're Back

We've been out of town for the last few days, so the blog has been on a hiatus. We were down to see some of my family and to have an early celebration of Amelia's 1st birthday. Amelia was so very excited for her birthday that she fell asleep before opening gifts or having cake and didn't wake back up. Well, technically, we didn't wake her up for it. This may not have gone down as the most popular decision amongst the other party goers, but once considering all the facts - she'd been sick for a few days, she hadn't been sleeping well, she had a slight fever earlier in the day, most of the party goers would be at the same location the next morning and the party could be held then, and the fact that Amelia had absolutely no idea there was a party...or what a party is - it seemed like a great idea to let her stay asleep. So, the next morning we got the party started...and Amelia still didn't care. With help, all the gifts were opened and it was time for cake. I was hoping for a full on smashing and smearing session. What I got was Amelia lightly sticking her pointer finger in the cake and tasting it. I tried to help matters by grabbing a chunk of cake. This failed miserably at getting Amelia to grab the cake herself, but what it did do, was REALLY piss her off. Apparently, she was simply moving at her own pace and was not seeking any assistance. Either way, she didn't have any interest in actually eating the cake. 0 for 2. So, it appears the final summation of the weekend was several hours driving, lots of money spent, many pictures taken, 2 parties attempted, multiple presents ignored, 1 cake wasted, and despite this, 1 pretty enjoyable trip to see family.

Step by step

Well, this wasn't her best attempt of the night, but it was the only one we could catch on grainy video.

Late

This is just a note to any blog readers who remind me when I miss a day of posting....it is 12:30am and I am still at the office. There will be no post tonight as my brain is dead.

One small step for man...

...one giant leap for Amelia. Last night, Amelia joined the land of the walking. I can't really pretend that she ran a marathon, or even that she looked all that graceful. However, she did indeed walk. It covered the wobbly span of about 5 feet and it took roughly a full minute, but it was still perfect to me. She would take a tiny step, regain her balance, and take another step. We were visiting friends who have a son a few months older than Amelia. He is able to fly all over the place. The irony is immediately preceding Mia walking, Connor's mom set him down and he took off. I turned to her and said Amelia just collapses to the ground when I set her down. So, I proceeded to put her on the ground and instead of falling, she decided to show me up and take her first steps. I'm not sure if my comment spawned her desire to prove me wrong by walking, but just in case it did, I'd like to say ... Amelia never likes to eat her vegetables or let me sleep past 6:30.

Video

Sadly, as much as I have had to work this week (I left the office at 11pm last night), the little dancing video of Amelia is just about the most I have seen her in a few days. In case you are wondering - that sucks. I just have to keep reminding myself that I work so hard because her future Harvard tuition isn't going to pay itself...or something like that.

Dancing Machine

Amelia is getting a head start on her career on So You Think You Can Dance