You Want to What???

Thanks to the loving folks who make the show Bubble Guppies, I am now faced with a reminder of one of my biggest fears well earlier than I thought I would be. While Amelia and I were watching an episode this weekend where they fly somewhere, she turned to me and said "I want to fly on a plane....with Daddy!".  Most of you who know me know she might as well have said "I want to stand in a pit of snakes and play Russian roulette...with Daddy!!".  From 1998 to 2008 I flew exactly 0 times. I have flown 3 times since - once to see if I would have a heart attack, once for work, and once to take Meggan to New York.  Luckily, I didn't die on any of those flights. Unfortunately, the stress of them probably shortened my life by 5 years on the back end.

I'm not dumb enough to think I was going to avoid this problem forever. But, sort of like boyfriends and training bras, I just hoped if I never mentioned it, maybe she wouldn't notice until she was 20 or so.  The irony is that I want Amelia to travel. I want her to see the world. But, I want her to do it with passion and zest....not Xanax and stomach aches. 

I know I will be able to put off flying for a little while longer, but it has now become a topic...a topic I'm sure Meggan will revel in bringing up as often as she can. It isn't that she doesn't love me. It's that she so badly wants me to fly and knows using a child-induced guilt trip is probably the best shot she has. I want my children to face their fears, so eventually I'll have to do something because there is only so much room on this dad-pedestal I stand on and frankly it's getting a little crowded with all the hypocrisy floating around.

For anyone who thinks it is not a big deal and I should just suck it up...1) In a weird way, I agree. 2) Strap yourself in a straight jacket and get locked in a coffin for about 3 hours ...that's how flying feels to me...and you'll only get to Texas in that time frame. Stay in there another 6 to go see Europe. In the meantime, if you see any 3 year-olds dragging their dad out of a plane Weekend at Bernie's style, you'll have Bubble Guppies to thank.

Well, At Least She Had A Reason

As we were getting ready for bath time tonight, I realized I didn't have Amelia's towel. So, I put her in the tub and went to get it. I told her not to turn on the water until I returned....and she didn't. So, I actually have to give her credit for following orders.  However, what I didn't understand was I apparently needed to specify "don't turn on the water and also don't pee all over your Dora bath mat."  As I walked back into the bathroom all I saw was Amelia bent over doing absolute pee pee work in the bathtub.  Given the fact I am still a little upset about the incident she had on Everett's carpet, I decided to take a breath before I reacted...

Me: Amelia, why did you walk past the potty just to tee tee in the tub?!?

Amelia: (after pausing to think about it) because I don't like Dora anymore. I like Go, Diego, Go.

Me: Well, at least you had a reason.

So, there you have it. Evidently, if you were wondering the best way to let something or someone know you moved on, just pee on them.  They'll probably take the hint.

Picnic

I'm on my way to a picnic with Amelia's class. While Meggan and I will stop by to check in on Everett while we're at the school, it is still nice to have special things with only Amelia. If her recent antics are any indication, I'm guessing she will appreciate the solo attention as well.

Limited Posts

I know the posts have been limited recently.  I am trying to put the finishing touches on something I am entering in a writing competition next week. This leaves me with far less time for the blog. I apologize. It should pick back up soon, though.

Over and Over and Over and Over

There is a weird thing happening in my house and I don't even know what to think of it. Essentially, every single night (for a long time now), Meggan takes the lid off this candle. Every single morning when Amelia walks down stairs, she puts the lid back on it. We've only actually seen this happen live on a few occasions as she normally does it some form of child-ninja mode. Neither one of them ever speaks of this and there is no rhyme or reason for why either of them do it. Yet, without fail, the lid goes off at night and goes back on in the morning. I'm not sure which one of them I feel is crazier for this habit. For the time being, I'll give the nod to Amelia as I'm pretty sure Meggan is only doing it now to see how long Amelia will continue. Then again, a part of me can imagine Amelia thinking each morning "Poor OCD mommy took the lid off again. Let me put it back on for her so she can do it again tonight".  Hmmm, I guess it isn't mutually exclusive...maybe they are both a little off their rockers.

A Beautiful Sight

You might not be able to tell what this is a picture of, so let me tell you....this is a a snapshot of both "baby" monitors with a sleeping child in each (Amelia is the lump under her blankets). One monitor is to make sure Everett is doing fine and isn't having any reflux problems. The other monitor is to make sure Amelia isn't jumping on her bed, peeing on the floor, or generally wreaking havoc on her room. That said, any time both of these monitors are on and both kids are sleeping is like a little slice of heaven.

Suggestions

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to handle it when your 95% potty trained 3 year-old walks into her little brother's room fully naked, slightly bends over and pees all over his carpet while you are standing there?  The first 7 things that came to mind were absolutely no good. 4 of them were going to get Child Services called on me, 2 of them were going to get the police called, and the last one was going to make me have a hard answer for the Man upstairs. So, instead of any of those options, she ended up going to bed by herself with no lullabies. For her, this might have been worse than most of the things on my list.

Good Sunday

Any Sunday that ends with you in your princess dress, your mouth covered in chocolate, and you living room absolutely destroyed with your toys everywhere is a good day in Amelia's book...and I have to say I agree.

On a side note, apparently, Amelia has not grown any in the last 8 months since she last wore this dress...

Family Portrait

We are meeting with a photographer in the morning to get pictures of the four of us. While I'm not 100% in love with the idea of taking pictures of myself, all I'm really hoping for is to avoid making an appearance on awkwardfamilyphotos.com like these people...

Not Again

Well, we officially found out today that Everett is saddled with the same issue Amelia had- a milk protein allergy. You may recall I complained many times about spending $9 per day on special formula. That said, it is going to be much tougher this time. Let me rephrase that- it's going to be much tougher for Meggan this time. She is nursing the little man, so she has to avoid all things milk. That means no milk, cheese, ice cream, milk chocolate, yogurt, etc. I'm pretty sure if I were nursing and had to avoid all those things, I'd happily spend the $9 on formula. Sorry, Ev.

I'm In Trouble

I guess there comes a point in every dad's life where they realize their daughters have got them wrapped around their fingers. Now, I know we all understand this inevitability when we first see our daughters, but I'm referencing the time when you see this cold, hard truth in action.  For me, this has occurred in the last 24 hours.

Exhibit 1 -Yesterday Evening -

Amelia: Can I have a jelly bean?

Me: Umm, no. Jelly beans are treats.

Amelia: Can I have a jelly bean because I washed my hands?

Me: Umm, no. You washed your hands because you were finger painting. You don't get a treat for playing. You only get a jelly bean for washing your hands after you potty. But, that is a treat for pottying, not for just washing your hands.

Amelia: Oh....well, I can give you a kiss...

Me: Deal...but only use that trick on mommy and daddy.

Result - THREE jelly beans

-------------------------------------
Exhibit 2 - Last night - 3a.m.

Amelia (while crawling into my bed): Scoot over

Me: Hey, baby. What are you doing in here? Let's go back to your room.

Amelia: Noooooooooo. I want to snuggle.

Me: Come on. I'll lay with you for a bit.

Amelia: Noooo, daddy. I want to snuggle with my WHOLE family.

Me: You're sleeping in the middle.

Amelia (after nestling between me and Meggan and lifting up her shirt): Scraaaaatch

Result - Amelia comfortably slept in my bed while I scratched her back and slept hanging off the side of the bed without blankets because she hates them.

So, as anyone can see...Amelia has now learned to use kisses and family time as a means to get me to give her what she wants. Any daughters out there who want to teach me how to thwart this behavior feel free to offer advice.

Just In Case

If any of you are in need of a caterer, this "strawberry cupcake tea" Amelia served me was delicious....and best of all.....0 calories.

We Made It

Last night went off without a hitch thanks to help from Ms. Tonya  - Amelia's play partner who also happens to work with me. With her help, we were able to go out to dinner and ice cream. Naturally, Amelia loved it....and Everett tolerated it for most of the time. Soon after, I rushed the kids home and we waited for mommy to arrive to complete the day.

Wish Me Luck

For the first time in history, I'll be in charge of both children by myself tonight. With Meggan back at work, the after work events were bound to start sooner or later. I'm sure I can handle Amelia. And I'm pretty sure I can handle Everett. I, however, am not so certain about handling Amelia AND Everett. Sophie has offered to pitch in and help, but there are only so many things a 5 year-old jack-a-poo can do. I'm sensing a heavy dose of Dora on the TV and blow dryers as background noise. Oh well, we won't know until we try....wish me luck.

Recovery

What's the best way to celebrate getting over an illness? Did you say playing a game of Hopscotch? If so, you'd be correct.

Who are you?

Usually, I find Amelia to be a beautiful, smart, funny little girl and I can't wait to see the woman she becomes. However, on occasions such as this weekend, I find myself wondering if she is a 3 year-old girl or a teenage boy. In just the last two days we saw her (despite our utmost parenting efforts):

- cracking her knuckles
- licking virtually everything she saw
- wiping a booger on the couch
- wiping a booger on her bed
- wiping a booger on the stairs
- saying "damn it" when she fell off her stool
- peeing in the shower
- sitting on her mother and attempting to "toot" with all her might.

As you can see, not only is she not ladylike, she can be outright disgusting. I'm not sure if this is just a kid phase or something, but it has got to stop. I can't even figure out where it is coming from. I assure you, aside from the knuckles and possibly the language, she didn't get that from home. I suppose all behavior isn't learned. Perhaps she is some sort of grotesque savant that figures these things out on her own. After all, at some point every gross thing was thought up by someone for the first time. For all I know, the cavemen discovered fire for the sole purpose of lighting each other's farts. Maybe that is just my baby girl's gift. So much for being a doctor or a lawyer...Her true calling...Spencer's Gifts fake poop designer.

FYI

For any of you who have a hard time with all sorts of calendar items, Amelia is here to help.

E

Once Amelia got sick, Meg and I sort of split the parenting duties as to do our best to keep Everett from getting sick.  While I still think this is the best idea, I didn't factor in how much I'd miss the little guy. Sure, I get to see him around the house, but it just isn't the same when I have to surgically scrub down just to get a slobbery little hug from him.  I'm not so sure he feels the same.

Yeah, That's Worse

You know how I was complaining about missing work yesterday? Well, that little inconvenience was really put into perspective last night around 3am when I was awakened by a tiny little girl barfing on me and subsequently all over the bed we were sharing. Amelia was sporting a fever between 103 and 104 so I decided to sleep in her room so I could check on her. Let's just say the barf thing clued me in to the fact that all was not well. A sponge bath and a boat load of laundry later, we were back in business. Luckily, today has gone much more smoothly as she is making strides in the right direction. Let's just hope tonight follows suit.

Perfect Timing

As you know, Meggan was out of work for the last 3 months on maternity leave. That is roughly 90 days in which Amelia had the opportunity to get sick and not require either of us to miss work. The good news - she went her longest span that I can remember of 3 months without any illnesses. The bad news - that record ended today. Thus, on the 2nd day of having two working parents, Amelia already has me at home.  So far today she has woken up several time screaming about nonsense (I'm thinking a side effect of the fever), decided her throat hurts too bad to swallow, and shot off the couch to run around the house barfing. In other words, you can file today under the category "Totally Sucks". The only prayer we have at this point is that Everett has a much stronger immune than his big sister....which on the surface doesn't appear to be too difficult.

Beginnings and Endings

Today is Meggan's first official day back at work. That news would be a big deal if it weren't also my mother's last day in the workforce after 50+ years.  I never quite got nearly rich enough to buy my mom the house I thought I could when I was a kid. Sincerely, that fact will bother me forever.  I think I speak for all my siblings when I say it isn't so much about a house as it is about the simple concept that we've always wanted my mom to know she was taken care of. She has spent nearly the entirety of her life making sure each of us knew everything would be okay as long as she was around.  At some point or another, we've all relied heavily on that well of comfort - some of us probably more than our fair share. I can't think of a single time in which she has asked for anything in return.  Retirement, just like everything else in life, was earned through her own tireless efforts.  On the eve of retirement, all I can say to you, Mom, is we're sorry we weren't able to give you this much deserved rest earlier, but we hope you enjoy every second of your time off knowing your kids have you covered and at last, we have the opportunity to do all we can to finally take care of you.
  

Yum

Until you have a kid, you never really contemplate the appropriate way to explain to a 3 year-old why the bird doesn't want to eat the booger they just picked from their nose the same way it does when we throw crumbs on the ground.  I'm not sure the absence of this question is such a bad thing.

Easter Weekend

I apologize for the long list of pictures, but time is limited and this blog pays me as much as it pays you - nothing.




Trying to fly a kite

 


All dressed up

 



My sweet boy




Stretching before the egg hunt





Happy boy

 


Hanging with Daddy





Take no prisoners in the egg hunt

 


Back on the hay ride early to eat candy




Uncle Jay's toilet cart




I'm not sure the legal driving age on the farm




My pretty little lady




Dressed for Easter

 


Coloring our eggs







Preparing for fishing



And So It Begins....

Today marked Everett's first day of school. I can't believe how fast 12 weeks has flown by. The only person it has flown by faster for is Meggan. As much as I hated to see my little guy be fed to the wolves at daycare, I can't relate to what Meggan went through - having to see that and seeing the end of my 3 month break from going into the office. Don't get me wrong, it isn't that Meggan doesn't like her job. It is just that any job basically sucks after getting to hang out with this all day for 12 weeks....



The only positive I can think of for her is that aside from the great help she's been getting from her coworkers, I also sent in a special consultant to make sure everything was in order for her return....

Over the River and Through the Woods

We made our way down to Grandma and Grandpa's house today. Aside from the torrential downpour and hail we had to drive through, it was a good day. I'm guessing since it is after 9 o'clock and Amelia is not only still awake, but actually in the kitchen baking a cake with Grandpa, that she is also have a great night.

Ahhh, Learning

I've mentioned on here before that daycare is ridiiiiiiiculously expensive. That said, I am normally very pleased with the education she receives. She learns foreign languages, her letters and numbers, and more songs than I can count. However, tonight was probably more so an example of one of the things I'd rather her not pick up from school...

After we chased each other around for a bit, I helped her get undressed for her shower. Apparently, even though she looked like a sweet angel wearing nothing but her shower cap, she was not finished with me. She walked over to me, turned her naked booty around and backed it up to me. Meggan and I looked at each other in confusion. She then clinched both fists, bent over slightly, and said "TOOOOOT". So, yes, somehow my daughter has learned that backing up her dump truck to fake fart on her dad's leg is a totally hilarious way to end a night. While correct, I can't say I'm in love with any scenario in which she would have learned this trick.

To lighten the mood tonight, here are a few pics from my recent beach trip...

Better

I've received a bit of criticism regarding my last post. Apparently, it was very depressing and negative. I wasn't really going for that. I was simply enlightening my non-child having brethren to the extreme attention demands of young children. I hope it wasn't misconstrued as anything more.  As I said, I love my kids more than anything in the world. I'm proud to be their father and I spend a great amount of effort to be a father they can be proud to have.  Simply put, having Amelia and Everett in my life is the greatest pleasure I've known.

Once you get married, it is only natural to begin thinking of having children. Thus, you have to question at what age you want to have kids.  And even if it weren't natural, you'd have an easier time dodging raindrops during a hurricane than you would dodging that question from all interested parties (read: future grandparents, future aunts, etc.).  The funny thing I've found through parenthood is asking that question is sort of like asking a runner what minute he wants to run a marathon. 

The reality is it has little to do with what age you want to have kids. The more appropriate question is what 5 to 10 year period are you okay with putting all your personal goals and priorities on the back burner's back burner. Sure, you are still human. You still have wants and needs. And you are free to tend to all of those ....right after you get the kids off to school, go to work, come home, play with your kids, cook dinner, clean up from dinner, do bath time, and get the kids to sleep....and right before your 10 week old wakes up for his middle of the night feeding.  So, there you go, buddy.   Free time. Enjoy it. Soak it in. You can use those 37 minutes per day to do whatever your heart desires. Oh, but try to squeeze in paying the bills, mowing the lawn, fixing the sink, and resting during that time as well.

I know what you are thinking - those are small day to day things. What about the big picture?  Well, I'm glad you asked.  In the big picture, children affect every macro decision you make. When you have dependents, you need a job with good benefits. With more people running around, you need a bigger house. That house needs to be in a good school zone.  Speaking of school, you'd better crank up that college fund. There is no longer room for frivolity.  Staying out late at a sports bar to watch the big game? Your 3 year-old alarm clock wakes up by 6am no matter when you go to bed. Keeping the romance alive in your marriage? Ahhh, nothin' says lovin' like a dinner date featuring a kids' menu and a bed with an 18-inch wide Nap Nanny in the middle of it.  That's okay, you can always go on a romantic getaway, right? Wrong. Vacations now consist of visiting one side of the family or the other so your kids get to see their grandparents.  So, there you have it. The only big picture you have now is the one on the side of your fridge that your toddler drew.

Oh well, so your day to day no longer belongs to you and your big picture is a giant crayon scribble. At least you have your health.  I'm sorry, you HAD your health. Now, the lack of sleep, increased stress, and endless supply of "kid food" you've been eating have now caught up to you. The only offset to this is the healing power of you child's laughter and the exercise you get in while playing with your kids. But, let's face it, if running down a 3 year-old in a heated game of hide and seek is considered exercise to you, you didn't have much health going into this parenting thing anyway. The only good thing is your health is largely irrelevant.  Statistically speaking, having a sick child is precisely 700 times worse than being sick yourself.  That said, considering Amelia's asthma problems....we've gone through the equivalent of me being sick for 400 years.

Now, before anyone jumps on me for being so negative. Let me say, I looooove my kids. Hell, I love your kids. Kids are the single greatest thing on the planet. If you don't think so, have a conversation with a 3 year-old. They are hilarious. If the joy of a child doesn't make you forget your problems or the dreams of a child don't inspire you about the possibility of the future, you're missing the point of life. I encourage everyone to have kids. Sure, you can have more freedom and money without them. Yes, you can travel more and lead a more adventurous life. But, without children, there is an entire range of emotion you can't replicate. You can't fully know responsibility because you have a dog.  You can't fully know family because you have a sibling. And you can't fully know love because you found your soul mate. The truth is, having kids is likely the greatest thing many of us ever do. I simply chose not to write about the great side of parenting because plenty of people will tell you all about it.  I only wanted to point out having kids isn't about an age, its about an era. You may already know it is a job 24/7/365...I want to make sure you don't forget, for the first few years anyways, it is actually a job 60/60/24/7/365.

Everett at 2 months

I keep hearing Everett looks like me ... To that, I say... I wish I was this good looking...

Zzzzzzzz

There is sleeping....and then there is resting in total peace....