Self Image

If you ever feel your self image getting too high, have your 3 year-old build a character of your on the Wii that represents what she thinks you look like. Amelia had fun going through each step - hair, body size, eye shape, eye color, etc. etc. etc. picking what she thought "looked like daddy" or "looked like mommy". Here are the results....


here I am....with a beard for no apparent reason...

And I was feeling pretty badly about the way Amelia viewed me...until I saw what she thought of Meggan...

Things Change

When I was a kid, this is how you handled a pinata...


You beat it to death with a stick (the blindfold didn't go over well)

Apparently, now you do it differently.....

You just pull on random strings until you find the lucky one that opens the trap door....

The good news is ....

The end result is still the same - candy everywhere and a kid vibrating with so much excitement that they are out of focus in the picture...

Master

Amelia is officially an IPad master. Tonight, after the smoke settled for bedtime and we got to the point where it was time to read from a daily devotional book on the IPad, Amelia grabbed the tablet, opened up the Kindle app, and clicked on the book from a list of about 20 books. Now, this might not sound like much. But, we have only used this particular devotional twice before and I'm not sure she's ever even seen us open the book. So, I have no idea how she learns these things. All I know is any time I need to learn how to do something on the IPad, I turn to my 3 year-old.

Quite a scene

Bedtime tonight was a real all out battle. In fact, at one point, I'm pretty sure Amelia's head spun around and Sophie started yelling "I need a young priest and an old Priest"!

Home Remedies

If you ever wanted to know if your kids get sick more than you think they should...just line up dropper they give you with each prescription (at least the ones you haven't thrown away due to overuse).... I'd say my kids have already had more prescriptions in their lives than I have. 

Guy Talk

Today while Everett was spending time sitting on my lap,  we had a bit of a moment. We caught a special on the Little League World Series and I started telling him how I excited I was for him to grow up and play ball.  I let him know I'd always be there for him to play catch, go to practice, and cheer him on.  The whole time, he stared at me so intently and lovingly. Shortly after that talk, we saw a musician on television discussing how his father ran out on his family when he was a kid. I looked at my baby boy and couldn't imagine that scenario.  So, I started telling him as much. I made all kinds of promises in regards to raising him right and being the example of what a man is, etc. As I sat there telling him all this, I was blown away by how serious he looked and how well he was taking it. For a few seconds, it was as if he really understood what I was trying to say to him.  All that sentiment was shattered just about the he let out a grunt, ripped an enormous toot, and proceeded to fill his diaper.  So, while I was having a Taster's Choice heart to heart, Ev was apparently more interested in a fart to fart.

Taxi Driver

If any of you need a ride, Amelia can swing by in her new homemade cardboard taxi. It doesn't have a lot of horsepower, but it really gets great gas mileage.

Single Parent

Meggan has to work tonight, so I will be fighting the good fight on my own. If you happen to be near my house tonight, please use the following scream chart to assess the situation...

Small male scream - Everett has either shampooed his hair with poo or is refusing to take his medicine.

Small female scream - I have asked Amelia to do something....ANYTHING...even something she LOVES to do...and she is refusing. (It's just a little phase we are going through. It should be over in another 20 years or so)

Small dog scream - Don't be ridiculous, dogs can't scream. However, if you hear Sophie barking it could mean there is an intruder in the house, or someone is walking down the street, or there is a rabbit in our backyard, or the stairs made a creaking sound, or a doorbell rang on a pizza delivery commercial, or a fly farted in the other room, or simply that it had been more than the allotted 45 seconds of Jack-a-Poo silence she allows.

Large male scream - Considering it isn't Gator football season yet and I don't expect to get any daycare tuition bills in the mail, this scream should only occur if preceded by one of the above screams.

No Screams - Call the authorities. We either have a carbon monoxide leak or the children have me locked in a closet.

Milk Man

How badly would you want to beat something (your car, your husband, yourself) if you loaded up the kids, drove them all the way to daycare only to realize you forgot to bring your baby's bottles?  Also, how additionally mad would you be if you repeatedly called your husband (who is still at home) and he didn't answer his cell phone? Now, how incredibly violent would you be if you then drove ALLL the way home, were late for work, saw they weren't in the refrigerator (knowing your good-for-nothing husband could have checked if only he had answered his damn phone! I mean seriously, why doesn't he have his phone on??? What if you got in a wreck? What if you needed him???), and realized they had been beside your purse in the passenger seat of your car the whole time? Let's just say I'm just happy Meggan decided to laugh at herself instead of back over me with the car.

Sleeping Beauty

What do you do when your daughter gets very confused about how to use a neck pillow, but somehow still falls dead asleep on your way to the store? Do you...

a) Wake her up and make her go inside
b) Leave her sleeping in the car
c) pick up her dead body and carry it around like Weekend at Bernie's

If you guessed C, you would be correct...

Step Up to the Table

Well, look who has decided to join us at the big kids' table when we go out to eat...

Shake Shake Shake

Everett has his own strange habit of shaking his head over and over and over again. He used to do it to put himself to sleep. Now, he also does it when he is happy. For all I know, it is killing brain cells each time he does it. But hey, who am I to argue with another man's celebration dance? (apologies for the sideways video. I was trying to make sure he didn't see the camera)

Still Fluff

Well, we continue to hear how fat Everett looks and that he is a chubby little baby...and I agree. However, his measurements still do not.

 He still hasn't cracked 17 lbs.
 He was in the 26th percentile for weight
 He was in the 87th percentile for height
 He was in the 50th percentile for head

Speaking of Getting Shot

Not once, but twice today has Everett decided to pee all over the place while I was changing him. And each time, he's done it the second his diaper comes off so I have no time to cover it. Somehow this last time, he was aimed at the wall so he was in danger of peeing behind his dresser. For no apparent reason, rather than throw a blanket or fresh diaper on his fire hydrant, I decided the better idea was to turn into some sort of pee ninja and block all his streams in mid air. Good news, it worked really well at keeping the whole mess contained. Bad news, the highlight of my day was swatting pee out of the air like a maniac. Oh well, I guess it's better than not having any highlights.

I've Been Shot

Everett had to get his 6 month shots today. I was dreading it because he spiked bad fevers both of the other times he's gotten vaccines. Additionally, you feel like a traitor when the little guy is sitting there about to get stuck with a needle and he has no idea it's coming. That said, he took his shots like a warrior. With each shot, he let out a short yell and that was it. He didn't shed a tear. I was blown away. If Amelia had gotten shots, she'd still be crying. Also, in terms of spiking a fever...he seems to be handling these shots better than the others....

Happy Medium?

The last time we took Sophie to the groomer, they inexplicably shaved off her eyebrows...

 Sophie isn't all that fond of having her hair cut in the first place, but her 'brows and her beard are her signature pieces. I'm pretty sure it emotionally messed her up for a while. So, this time, we asked them not to shave them off completely. That said, I'm a little surprised they found it a good idea to leave every ridiculously long, unruly inch of them....

Stress

With all the stress of trying to train Amelia to sleep on her own and Everett potentially cutting a tooth, Sophie has gone back to her old habit of smoking stogies to calm her nerves. On top of that, and I'm not 100% sure, but the last time I passed her water bowl, it smelled of straight vodka. So, I'll have to look into that as well.

Message

Amelia has a message from her favorite movie for Dr. Richard Ferber of the famous Ferber Sleep Method....

"Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have messed with? That's me"
                                                  - Walt Kowalski (played by Clint Eastwood)


Also, I'm pretty sure during her screaming fit tonight, I additionally heard her quote former pro wrestler, Stone Cold Steve Austin, by saying she was going to "stomp a mudhole in me" and "walk it dry".

I'm starting to think we might have to limit her TV watching.

Won't Be Long

Don't tell Meggan, but it won't be long until Everett is crazy about his dad on nearly unhealthy levels just like his sister is...

2028 Olympics

Look out 2028 Olympics, while others are at home watching Dora, the female Michael Phelps is training.

Inner Ace Ventura

I'm starting to think Amelia is channeling her inner Ace Ventura with her recent fashion choices...

She Know What She Likes

Tonight, while we said our prayers before going to bed, we told Amelia to think of things to thank God for so she can tell him she appreciates them. So, she thought for a second and then proceeded to thank Jesus for smoked sausage.  It might not have been the direction I would have gone. But, I have to say, the girl does know what she likes.

Put To Good Use

I have to admit, it is nice to have Amelia at an age where she can actually be a useful help around the house. She can feed the dog, find the remote control, and help bring daddy another cookie. So, today I thought I'd take her to help wash my car. While we did have a good time, let's just say she's not the most efficient car washer out there. Come to think of it, since the car wash charges by the minute, I probably spent enough having her "help" me that I could have hired the Carolina Panther cheerleaders to come to my house and wash the car for cheaper. Of course, who needs a bunch of professional cheerleaders when you already have the most beautiful girl in the world as your right hand woman...

Sleep Training

I have two children. My tiny baby lays down by himself and rolls around mostly quietly until he falls asleep. My three year old, however, acts as if her bed is the snake pit from Indiana Jones. It doesn't feel like sleep should require training. After all, it is one of those few basic things that every single person does. It is something our bodies crave. At any rate, it isn't something that should draw lengthy bouts of crying and rebellion. It isn't like we put her in a pitch black room and tell her we're going out for the evening. She has a nightlight. We sing goodnight songs. I scratch her back. We even sit outside her room so she knows we are around and she is safe. So far, this has equated to the restful slumber of a Nightmare on Elm Street film. Now, I'm not the kind of parent who believes in a quick sip of liquor to help the little one fall out. That said, I'm about one night away from surfing the Internet for old pro wrestling DVDs so I can perfect my sleeper hold.

Bam Bam

I think Everett is excited to finally be sitting up by himself...

Foul

A kid who sneaks into your bed to sleep every night is a nuisance. A kid who sneaks into your room and then proceeds to pee in the bed is almost justifiable to be sold on the black market.  If you disagree, you try waking up so wet you attempt to figure out how you broke a fever you never had.

Working Late

Well, I had to work late tonight, so this picture is all I got to see of my kids tonight. Oh well, at least I got to see it.

Busted

You want to know what it looks like when your 3 year-old, being powered by a recently eaten red velvet cupcake, steals her mom's new IPhone and starts playing with it?  Well, allow me to submit this short video we found on Meggan's phone tonight....smart enough to sneak the phone away from mom and dad, smart enough to unlock the phone, smart enough to turn on the camera, not smart enough to delete video evidence....

Brother and Sister

Nothing warms a dad's heart like seeing his two kids play together. For me, it makes me feel like I made sure they each had a teammate in life. Now, if they can just get on equal footing in terms of play habits...

How Amelia treats Everett -

Yesterday after I dressed Everett, Amelia came over to him and said "Great job, Ev! Lookin' good, man!"



How Everett treats Amelia -

He yanks a bald spot in her head when she leans down to hug him...

Silence

Amelia just screamed for 35 minutes straight for a laundry list of terrible reasons...i.e. - she didn't want to put on sunscreen. Unfortunately, that is not extremely rare these days.  So, these silent 10 minutes between the time they leave for school and I leave for work are like 5 mini vacations per week.

Ahhhh, Reflection

Each night, I get the pleasure of helping Amelia go to bed. This normally includes about a twenty minute fist fight followed by about a 30 minute back scratching fest. Tonight, Amelia took abnormally long to fall asleep. As I leaned next to her in bed, developing repeat stress syndrome from scratching for so long, I began to get more and more frustrated with her. I get a very limited amount of time and it was bothering me that I was stuck in her bed. Then, I had one of those moments where you realize how lucky you are to be exactly where you are at that moment. It occurred to me how soon it will be that Amelia doesn't want me to tuck her in and how badly I'll miss scratching her little back. So, instead of stewing, I decided to snuggle. I slid over next to Amelia and wrapped her in my arms. I marveled at how tiny my "big" girl still is.  Just as I was starting to fall asleep myself, Amelia reached back and patted me softly on my arm. I'm not sure you could measure how content I felt in that moment....and then Amelia ripped a 5 second fart on my leg and said "tooooooot". Awesome.

Low Maintenance

To say Amelia had a laid back Sunday would be an understatement...she didn't leave the house one time. She didn't put her shoes on at all.  In fact, she walked around in nothing but her Dora panties for 90% of the day....Now, that's how you relax.

Open

Everett is one of those people who is very open with his feelings. If he is tired, you'll know it. If he is hungry, you'll know it. If he doesn't care for you, you'll know it....and apparently, if he loves you, you'll know it....

A big, fat, slobbery kiss for Dad

Going Going Gone

We've been working very hard with Everett on all the mid level baby things - rolling over, sitting up, eating solids, etc. Each time he masters a skill for us it is slightly bittersweet. On one hand, you are so proud of his development. On the other hand, you realize your little baby will soon be a big baby and shortly after that, a toddler. It was hard to believe how fast it went by with Amelia and I still find myself blown away when I catch glimpses of how big she has become. However, it is different this time. With her, we always knew I wanted more kids. With Everett, this may be our last ride. So, each time he sits up or rolls across the room, not only are we saying hello to a new phase of life, but we may be permanently saying goodbye to an old one.  I guess that means we need to enjoy it all the more fully.

Flattering

Amelia said she was going to draw a "Randall"....and then drew this....I'm flattered by the likeness.

Fortune

Considering my post from this morning, I thought it was fairly well timed to get this fortune cookie tonight with dinner...

Ouch

"I have not failed. I just found 10,000 ways that did not work." - Thomas Edison

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

"I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something.  But I can't accept not trying." - Michael Jordan

"Well, that sucks" - Me

July 31, 2012
Dear Randall,
Over the past four months, we have posted dozens and dozens of excerpts from reader comments regarding the highest scoring scripts in the competition on the Nicholl Facebook page. If you have seen the excerpts you have a feeling for the quality of the scripts entered in this year’s Nicholl Fellowships competition. With scores now tallied for all 7,197 entries, we have to inform too many writers of scripts featuring intriguing stories, engaging characters and exceptional craft that they have not advanced into the next round. Regrettably, your submission was not one of the 368 entries selected as a Quarterfinalist in the 2012 Nicholl Fellowships in Screenwriting.