Single Parent

Meggan has to work tonight, so I will be fighting the good fight on my own. If you happen to be near my house tonight, please use the following scream chart to assess the situation...

Small male scream - Everett has either shampooed his hair with poo or is refusing to take his medicine.

Small female scream - I have asked Amelia to do something....ANYTHING...even something she LOVES to do...and she is refusing. (It's just a little phase we are going through. It should be over in another 20 years or so)

Small dog scream - Don't be ridiculous, dogs can't scream. However, if you hear Sophie barking it could mean there is an intruder in the house, or someone is walking down the street, or there is a rabbit in our backyard, or the stairs made a creaking sound, or a doorbell rang on a pizza delivery commercial, or a fly farted in the other room, or simply that it had been more than the allotted 45 seconds of Jack-a-Poo silence she allows.

Large male scream - Considering it isn't Gator football season yet and I don't expect to get any daycare tuition bills in the mail, this scream should only occur if preceded by one of the above screams.

No Screams - Call the authorities. We either have a carbon monoxide leak or the children have me locked in a closet.