my heart stopped

Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. In the end, God was looking out for Amelia, or perhaps me, and rescued her from my mistake. However, for a span of a few hours, highlighted by a few seconds that felt like hours, I was filled with a terror I've never known. As I carried Amelia from one room to another in her carrier, something I've done a hundred times in the last month, I made a huge mistake - a mistake a parent can't make. I became nonchalant. During this split second of time in which I wasn't completely focused on my sweet, sleeping angel, the carrier shifted and she was dumped head first onto the hardwood floor. I can't fully express the immediate rush of emotion that came over me. If you are a parent, no explanation is needed. This little girl, who depends on me for love, for nurture, and most importantly for safety, was severely let down. I had not done my job as a father. Last night consisted of a drive to the hospital in which I broke down emotionally, a 2 hour visit in the emergency room where doctors assured me that unless a one in a million event occurs, all will be well, and the subsequent several hours sitting awake in my bed watching Amelia and waiting for that one in a million event. Thankfully, it never happened. On the back end of this mess I can fairly safely say that the whole trauma was over for Amelia about a minute after she hit the ground. However, I can certainly safely say that the images and the memories of last night will never leave me. I know this was truly an accident that led to nothing more than a hospital bill, but for me, it will serve as a reminder to never again let down my guard while dealing with someone so precious.