The Stand-Ins

Amelia: Since dad has been sick, Sophie and I decided we'd take another stab at blogging. He's getting old and it's only a matter of time until we have to take over anyways. As usual, we aren't the most prepared bloggers, so we'll just have to wing it.

Sophie: Who didn't prepare?!? Maybe you didn't, but I have all my notes here. I've got a whole blog prepared on positive effects dogs have on the current fractured state of American families.

Amelia: ZZZZZ. Oh, I'm sorry, I fell asleep just thinking about that blog post.

Sophie: Oh, geez, I apologize, please entertain us you diaper wearing blog jester.

Amelia: I just prefer to keep it light. I thought we could just have a nice, sisterly conversation. You know, what's new with me, what's lame, old, and boring with you.

Sophie: How very sisterly of you. So, what's new?

Amelia: Well, most notably, I'm moving into the world of solid foods.

Sophie: Wow, congrats. I was eating solid foods the day they brought me home. It only took you an extra 4 months. How are you liking it?

Amelia: Sweet potatoes are like tiny spoonfuls of heaven...bananas are the biggest disappointment of my young life.

Sophie: Considering I get the same damn thing to eat every single day, I can't say I feel sorry for you. Not to mention, the fact that bananas are your biggest disappointment shows everyone exactly how "rough" your life is.

Amelia: As if Sally Struthers needs to host a charity drive for you? You sleep on 500 thread-count sheets! Besides, what is your biggest disappointment? Let me guess.....the day you found out that Jack-A-Poo is to designer dog breeds what Wrangler is to designer jeans?

Sophie: Actually, no. For me, it all boils down the 3 little words I overheard one morning...."Randall, I'm pregnant" . You want to talk about disappointed?? That ranks up there with when I found out Scrappy Doo wasn't a real dog and thus couldn't be my boyfriend.

Amelia: That's a shame. I'm sure you could have reeled him in with the way you rock that 'Yeah, I'm a girl...and I've got a full beard... So what?" look.

Sophie: I can shave the beard, you'll still be a fat little roly poly.

Amelia: Well, I'm glad to see that once again you've proven to be completely impossible to talk to. I'm out of here. I'm going to watch Entourage with dad.

Sophie: Thank God she's out of here. Now, I can finally get to my blog...In the modern American family, there are no more dinners at the table, no more games of catch in the yard, no more.....damn, the baby was right. This is boring.