Tough Answer

If you ever find yourself wondering if you are old, fat, and out of shape, may I suggest you simply look in a mirror rather than going to the YMCA and trying to dominate in basketball. Sure, the first answer (being frightened by the aging you in the mirror) is a little more ambiguous and probably isn't a sight you'll be in love with....but, it sure beats finding out the indisputable truth (and crashing to the gym floor writhing in pain) by way of a scheduled MRI and knee brace...

I Didn't Want To Hear That

Here is something you NEVER want to hear your three year-old say....


Amelia: "Do you know what me and [friend's name removed to protect their identity] did at school today?".

Me: "I have no idea, baby girl. What did you do?"

Amelia: "We licked the wall."

Pay the Price

This is a picture of cold hard cash.  Not just random cold hard cash, but money directly from Amelia's savings. Why in the world does she have her money out on the table? Great question. Allow me to tell you. You see, Amelia thought it was a good idea to pull up the flowers in her school's flower bed today. As you may expect, this is the kind of vandalism that lands you on yellow for the day. We don't accept yellows. So, in an effort to explain to Amelia why we don't destroy other people's things, we are making her take some of her own money to school tomorrow to repay them for their flowers. Since she doesn't understand value and this is more of a moral play, I felt the pain of pulling out 10 individual dimes was enough punishment. As for actually replacing the flowers, I'm guessing a dollar won't do it so they'll have to pull it from the billion dollars they charge me in tuition each month. 

Well, That Has To Be Moved

So, when you come across the image below, you will not only see that it is creepy as all hell when someone stares at you through a night vision monitor, but that it is a very bad thing when your child finally notices their baby monitor AND can stand up on their own. Shortly after this photo was taken, Ev-zilla ripped the monitor off the side of the crib and threw it on the ground. And now, I'm pretty sure I heard him and Sophie discussing his options for a privacy invasion lawsuit earlier today.

BFFs

Good news, I just secured a BFF (despite the fact that she only says "mommy" in the video, she started the conversation about me, so I think we are both covered)


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Perks

There are many perks when it comes to going to see your grandma...perhaps the greatest perk of all is that she pretends to believe you when you say "I've been wanting that cake all day" when you see her eating a slice. She also makes you feel like you are successfully being sneaky when in reality she wants you to have the cake more than you even want it for yourself and she was going to give you a slice whether you, or your parents, wanted her to.

All Forms of Dance Welcome

While trying out our new home theater purchase, we were treated to a live dance show by both Everett and Amelia. Amelia is now in her third semester of ballet. To our knowledge, Everett has no formal dance training. For any concerned viewers, rest easy, no Everetts were harmed in the making of this video...Much like Ace Ventura, his mother has the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose.

 

Walking Tall

Everett has finally found a solution to the little issue he has with standing up on his own....just take your sister's dollhouse and ride that thing like you're King Kong.  So far, so good. The only issue we've run into is a vague video bomb from a slightly jealous sister.

New Toy

If you take a look at my lifeless looking daughter in the picture below, you may wonder many things. Did she slip and fall? Perhaps her dad finally lost it and put her in a sleeper hold? Is it possible to nap with your eyes open???

Well, the answer is this ... after watching Toy Story 1,2,and 3 about 500 times in the last week, Amelia has decided her new game is one where she pretends to be my toy...complete with requiring me to move her hands to help her drink, carry her around if I want her to move, and tug on her string (her hair) if I want her to talk. Ahhhhh, imagination is great...and maybe just a tiny bit of a pain in the rear.

Real Thanks

I just finished chatting on Facebook with my nephew who is stationed in Afghanistan. I have also recently exchanged e-mails with another nephew who is on a Navy ship somewhere in the Middle East.  While I'm grateful technology has made interaction possible, neither of them will be at Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. So, when you are saying all of your thank yous to commemorate the holiday, don't forget to send a special thanks to the men and women who won't be carving a turkey with their families so that you can safely carve one with yours.

I'm Not Ashamed

Sooooo, today I got out of work early and on my way home decided to make a last second change of plans....so, I went to the movies....by myself...at 3 o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon...to see Twilight. While I'm not proud of this, I'm not particularly ashamed either...even though I'm pretty sure the other 6 patrons in the theater kept waiting on my daughter or wife to walk through the door.

It's All in the Presentation

Ev after I told him we were going out to eat....

Ev after I explained it was at an All-You-Can-Drink Similac happy hour...

Bedtime

Putting Amelia to bed at night is the same as how I imagine it is to try to shove a bobcat into a dog crate....if you loved the bobcat too much to tranquilize it or punch it in the face.  We try not to show it, but in all honesty, the screaming, crying, coughing, etc. jumps our blood pressure somewhere between 20 and 7000 points....every...single....night.

Sorry, Ev

Shortly after this picture was taken, I heard Sophie explaining to a very disappointed Everett that this is indeed not a catalog where you choose new parents.  She then proceeded to inform him that despite all her efforts, she has yet to find any loopholes to get a new set. Sorry, bud...you're stuck with us.

Thankful

With Meggan and the kids getting into a very slight fender bender on the way to school this morning, I have been reminded to appreciate every second you get with loved ones.  You have to share your love and passion with people at every opportunity. At the end of they day, our relationships are all we have in this life. Everything else, be it money, career, or possessions really just fill in the surrounding details of those relationships.  For us, it was a non-event collision...for somebody somewhere else, it wasn't.  I pray they've lived this way for a long time.

One Week

Only one more week until we get to go see my family. While I hate the drive, I'm always excited to see them. This also marks the beginning of the time of year where Meggan and I will both get disproportionately upset about not living closer to family.  So, we'll pull up the map and try to find a good solution to where we could move. Then, we'll once again see there are no appropriate cities where we can both find jobs. So, we'll consider career changes. Then, we'll remember we can't move unless we sell our house. So, we'll look up the current value of our home... and cry. So, with moving out of the question, we'll try to figure out ways to get family to move closer to us.  Then, we'll remember they have 0.0% interest in doing such a thing. So, we'll feel hopeless and we'll get even more disproportionately upset about not living closer to family....then, we'll pull up the map and try to find a good solution to where we could move...

Watchful Eyes

Ev is still totally into me, but he is also softening his stance on Meggan. She might not be fully back in his good graces, but as you can see, he kept a watchful eye on all the fun she and big sister were having...

Suspect

You ever have a time in your life where your child tells you something and you want to believe them, but something in your gut just tells you they might not be telling you the whole truth?  I had one of those times tonight.  Amelia spent a few minutes away from us tonight and she claims during that time she in fact did NOT eat any of the Oreos we had out on the counter. I didn't count the Oreos before and after, so I can't prove she had any. However, my dad sense tells me to be suspicious. Why don't you be the judge....

Role Reversal

Today we witnessed the fastest, strongest turnaround in our relatively brief history as parents. For reasons not known to either of us, Everett decided that I was his favorite person on the planet and Meggan was as likable as a staph infection. It even got so bad that he cried and reached out for me any time she was holding him and I was in the room. The second I picked him up, he was completely happy again. This comes after 9 straight months of him not really giving a damn if I was a part of the household. Prior to today, I'm pretty sure if he could talk, he would have asked me when his real dad was coming home. I love Everett with all my heart, so it feels good to finally be liked. That said, the greatest part of this situation is that it is driving Meggan crazy. I mean...she REEAALLY hates it. While I know it is likely temporary, I'm going to enjoy it for as long as I can...or at least until I get tired of holding him all the time.

 Here is a picture of Ev happily climbing on me as Meggan longingly watches in the background....

Changing Faces

My little girl is getting older and older.  Here are her last three school pictures...

Assembly Line

Everett is nearly well...and Amelia has started coughing and sneezing....I swear it is like an assembly line of illness, CVS trips, and medical treatments around this house.

To the Rescue

Kids have a funny sense of self importance.  Each time Amelia reminds me of this, it makes me feel like we're doing a pretty good job as parents. I take it as my personal mission to make sure both of my kids feel like they could run the country or save the world if they so desired. I'm hoping this leads them to the ability to chase their dreams with the only concern being the task at hand and not the fear of failure. And besides, it really cracks me up to see Amelia offer to fix the toilet or figure something out for me because "it's really tricky"...and she does this all the time.  Thus, what happened tonight came as no surprise. She and I were sharing a bowl of cereal downstairs (by sharing I mean she saw me eating a bowl of cereal, walked into the kitchen, grabbed a spoon and started eating out of my bowl without asking) and watching Everett when Meggan yelled down from upstairs that she had cut her hand.  Before I could even respond, Amelia had thrown her spoon down and had started running to the stairs.  I told her to stop running and come back.  Her response...."Daddy, you stay here with Ev, I have to go take care of mommy."  Phew, thank goodness we have a 3 year-old savior. I'm not sure how Meggan would have survived the cut without her.

My Daughter is a Teenage Boy

Today, my sweet, beautiful daughter came running out of the hallway. I asked her what she was doing and she said:

"I tooted so big, it blew me out of the potty."

Yes, I was proud.

Struggling

This little dude is seriously under the weather.....

...we're hoping for a good night tonight and a better day tomorrow.

Already

A small part of the reason we wanted to have another child was to force Amelia to have to share things and deal with the general issues that arise with not being the only child in the house. I think it is good to have to take turns and occasionally fight a little for what you want....Well, when it comes to the IPad, those days have already started...

Patriotic

Well, Amelia did her part as a voter today. I'm just not sure what election they had at school...

School Days

If only we were all as happy to go to work as Ev is to go to school...

Happy Anniversary

If you can believe it, today is our 6 year wedding anniversary. Ours is your typical storybook romance - I was looking for someone who could help me create children with giant, blue eyes and she was looking for someone who could help her do her taxes.  As you may expect, we really took off from there.  If you ask me, we're a match made in Heaven. Like I routinely tell her, she's beautiful, smart, loving, honest, and sincere. And like she told me once, I'm somewhat funny for a guy with a stable income. So, I think when you put those pieces together, the puzzle becomes quite clear.

 In all seriousness, I love Meggan with all my heart. Not a single day goes by where I don't try to appreciate her to the fullest. Additionally, I do everything I can in an attempt to be a great husband...naturally, some days I'm more successful than others.  So far, we've gone through a move to a new city, the purchase of a home, and the birth of two wonderful children. Our relationship hasn't been the same through all those events, but that's marriage for you. It's a living, breathing thing that changes on a daily basis.  That said, it's been a near perfect 6 years for us and I truly hope there are decades upon decades more in our future... And she's told me that unless Luke Bryan comes calling, I'll probably suffice. So, I think we have a real shot.

Time Change

Here is how the Fall time change sounds to the following subsets of people...

Children - An hour less of sunlight after school? Laaaaaame!

College Kids - Wait, so Last Call and the time change both technically happen at 2:00am. Mind = blown.

Single People - Oh, it's so great to get an extra hour of sleep in the morning.

Parents of small children - Oh, holy hell, Everett and Amelia will now wake us up at 4:45, nap time is screwed, and they'll never be able to stay up late enough to get back on track. The space time continuum is forever broken. We should move to Arizona to avoid this whole time change issue.

Retired People - Who cares about the time change? I just need to know my tee time.

Nice Day

Today was what Saturdays were meant for ... it included paintball, ballet, college football, pedicures, haircuts, new hats, and pizza.

Chatty Man

I wish I woke up this happy..


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We Have a Problem

Things are great in our house, but they aren't perfect. I know perfect isn't really attainable, but we have a glaring problem staring us down. It isn't exactly a health issue. It isn't exactly a behavior issue. That said, I think it is some form of combination of the two. You see, I don't know any other way to say this, Amelia is a chronic farter. Now, I know some of you will get on me for sharing too much information about her bathroom habits. However, I'm not sure how you call them bathroom habits when she rarely does them in the bathroom. Also, I'm pretty sure she'd be proud I am sharing this fact. That is part of the problem - she is so happy with herself when she lets it rip. I've mentioned her gassy exploits on here before, but those are nothing compared to the last month or so. I can't tell you the last day I haven't heard her do it at least 5 blatant times (keep in mind I only see her for a few hours on school days). In case you don't hear her, she'll announce it with a loud "TOOOOT". If she has time, she'll do like she did tonight...make me think she is coming to sit on my lap only to give me a surprise crop dusting and run away. We've never shown her these things. We try not to make a big deal of it or encourage it with laughter.  Meggan and I have tried everything we know to get her to be more private, more polite, and frankly more selective on her timing. For our efforts, we were rewarded with a her grandparents letting us know we are raising the gassiest little girl around when we got back from our vacation.  I suppose it could be worse...like Everett....who barfs more than any baby in history.