Missing Person

If any of you has seen my wife, please let me know. She was last seen watching 3 seasons of Downton Abbey as fast as humanly possible.  This addiction sent me to my bedroom to watch basketball last night and made her confiscate my laptop tonight to watch it online.  God only knows what is next.  So, rather than type a long post on this terrible IPad, I will leave you with this ego check I got tonight....

Amelia: Daddy, do you want to be Jake or Captain Hook?
Me: No. Neither.
Amelia: Daaaaadyy, you have to be one.
Me: Why do I have to pretend every night? Can't you just play with your dad?
Amelia: No
Me: No? Isn't your daddy cool and fun enough to play with without pretending to be something he's not?
Amelia: Ummmmm, no.
Me: I'm not?!?
Amelia: Nope.
Me: Jake it is then.

Thanks

I'd really like to thank the Severe Weather Center (or whoever is responsible) people for continually scrolling the weather alert directly over the score of the Gator basketball game tonight.  Granted, the game wasn't very close. That said, I'd still like to be able to see the score and how much time is left in the game. Is it not possible to move the banner? Maybe just pop it up every few minutes? Expect people to go to The Weather Channel? Perhaps, just let the fact that it sounds like Armageddon outside be my weather alert?

Okay, so this may not be that big of a deal.....but, on a day where I had a rough day at work, went to the dentist, Amelia wet the bed and had an accident in her car seat on the way home,  the weather was disastrous, and I got booted upstairs to watch the game so Meggan could watch Downton Abbey...a great game watching experience wouldn't have hurt.

Shoes....Finally

For everyone who has been on us about Everett not wearing shoes, rest assured, he finally has a real pair.  Technically, my mom bought him a cool pair for his birthday, but since his feet are shaped like a cartoon hippo's, they wouldn't fit his fat, little feet. So, we will consider these his first official pair.

Yes, I know they are super fly. Yes, I know you wish you had a pair. No, they don't make them in adult sizes.

For HIre

If any of you are available to play pretend with Amelia, I am looking to hire someone. The only qualifications are 1) you don't harm small children 2) you don't mind pretending to be dogs, cats, cartoon characters, aliens, babies, or basically anything other than yourself. 24 hours per day and 3) you aren't me. That last one is non-negotiable because I seriously can't spend another second playing pretend. Seriously. At this point, if anyone would take on this job for me, I'd be willing to pay you what it is worth to me - $75 million dollars*.

All inquiries should be sent directly to Sophie, as she is our acting hiring manager/head of security.

Thank You.



* Amount subject to change.

Stars

I only have two things to say 1) Don't be surprised when Amelia grows up to be a great artist and 2) Yes, I'm proud to be the kind of dad that thinks my kids are totally awesome at everything they do.

Just Doesn't Feel RIght

You know, when your car looks like this...

and the thermometer says this....

something just doesn't feel right about going to swimming lessons. That said, I'm really glad we made it because Amelia had her best day of lessons by a mile. She probably didn't break any records out there, but she didn't cry, she kicked her legs, and she floated on her back.. If it takes freezing temperatures to make it happen, I'll take it.

Boys

In my ever growing quest to prove that boys are really just one step removed from being helpless animals, I present the following evidence - Everett's favorite hobby is to carry things around in his mouth as if he is some sort of cute, hairless dog -

Strike a Chord

We've all watched a movie that, for some reason, touched us emotionally and made us think about life in new ways. For Amelia, watching Toy Story 3 for the 12th time apparently had this impact. Tonight, after Andy donated his toys and pulled away to college, Amelia started sobbing. This wasn't a slight "aww, that's sweet" tear.  This was more of a shoulder jumping, snot running, flat out cry. Then, we had the following conversation...

Me: What's wrong, baby girl?
Amelia (bawling the entire time): I don't want to go to college and leave you guys.
Me: Well, that's okay. You can go to college near home.
Amelia: But, I'll be grown up soon and I'll have to move on.
Me: No, no, no. You aren't going to be a grown up for a loooooong time.
Amelia: But, I don't want to give away all my toys.
Me: That's fine, just because Andy gave his away doesn't mean you have to.
Amelia: But, I'll only be a kid for a little bit of days and then I can't play anymore. Grown ups don't have fun.

So, there you have it. To a nearly 4 year-old, there is apparently nothing worse than being a grown up where you have to move on, give away your toys, and stop having all fun immediately.

Report

Meggan and I got to go to our first official Parent-Teacher Conference this week. It wasn't all that major aside from the fact that our little girl is now old enough to be measured by some standard for some level of academic performance. In other words, she's basically grown. I am happy to say Amelia is doing a good job in all aspects of being a good student and a good friend...of course, this assessment was given before she earned her first ever incident report today for smacking a boy in his forehead...apparently, she didn't like the way he "roared" in her face.

Taking it Well

I guess when you get sick, you can either whine through it or laugh through it....Everett chose the latter...

Boys

Everett, who is now taking medicine for pink eye, double ear infections, and a sinus infection, found the energy and time in his day to remind us once again that boys are very, very different than girls.  He was given a chance to prove we don't need to make Amelia put her chair away if she isn't sitting in it...and about 45 seconds later, this is what he did...

He climbed and stood up completely unassisted with minimal effort...yet, he claims he can't walk.

Birthday Recap

Alongside with how fun it was to watch Everett be the center of attention, I realized two things about his first birthday...1)the second child really gets ripped off. Amelia had two parties, two cakes, and tons of family and presents when she turned one. Everett had about the same fanfare that I did. 2)Good Lord, his high chair is disgustingly dirty. It doesn't really look like that live, but once you hit it with a flash...gross.


Ev wildly unimpressed...


He did enjoy his cake, though...

One Year

Only once you have children can you truly understand how fast a year can fly by...

This picture slideshow made with Smilebox

Letter From Mommy

Dear Everett, Ev, Buddyman, Evie, Evie Joel, Rooney,

I can’t believe it is your first birthday. As cliché as that sounds, it is the thought that keeps repeating
in my head today. I find myself wondering how twelve months went by so quickly. You have grown so
much from the tiny baby that arrived at 11:59 a.m. on a cold Thursday in January.

I knew you were on your way well before we took the test to make it official. I remember the day we
went to find out we were having a boy. I had a hunch Mimi would have a little brother, and here you
are. On January 19, we went into the hospital at 8 a.m. I got an epidural--that didn’t work!!—, and
about 25 minutes later, you were here. You were 8.5 pounds and 21 inches and perfect. Your big sister
came to see you and sang you a sweet lullaby from the hospital chair while I held you for the first time.
She said you looked like a pirate because you liked to look at us with one eye open for a while. :)

I can’t wait to see the little boy and eventually the man you turn out to be. Today, you love to laugh-
especially at Mimi. You love music, and you are a funny dancer. You hate afternoon naps and long car
rides. You love Classical Baby and Jake and the Neverland Pirates. You can say “mama”, “thank you”
(tank-oo) and “uh-oh”. You are finally beginning to eat some table food. Finally, I guess I’ve convinced
you that I’m not out to poison you. You have a temper, but you are so very sweet. You are “this close”
to walking. I’m sure you will decide to do it any day. You love your big sister, and I hope you two
are always close and appreciate how fortunate you are to have each other in this world.

Daddy and I can’t wait to see what this year will bring for you, sweet boy. We are so proud of you and
thank God every day that he brought you to us. We were looking for a blue-eyed, fuzzy haired, funny,
sweet, opinionated boy to complete our family, and you have turned out to be all we were hoping for
and more. You are a Mommy’s boy, and while I’m sure you won’t always be this obsessed with me, I am
trying to savor every moment—even the ones that fall in the wee hours of the morning—to hold you
close and smell your hair and feel your arms around me and your head on my shoulder. Daddy, Amelia,
Sophie and I love you so much, Ev. Happy Birthday!

Mommy

Every Parent Should Read This ....Daily

Meggan sent this to me today and I cannot think of a more important thing for parents to understand....

“All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast.

Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like.

Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now - Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, all grown obsolete.

Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are,they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories.

What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations - what they taught me, was that they couldn’t really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything.

One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome.

To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow.

I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton’s wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active.

I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged?

Was I insane?
Last year he went to China . Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the, “Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame.”

The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp.

The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded,”What did you get wrong?”. (She insisted I include that.)

The time I ordered food at the McDonald’s drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs.

There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night.

I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I’d done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top.

And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That’s what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.”

~Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist & Author

Birthday Planning

The beginning of the year is a big time for birthdays in our house. Ev and I were born in January and Amelia was born in February. Technically, Sophie's birthday is at the end of March, but she's hit an age where she doesn't care to celebrate it any longer.  Apparently, given the ages in our house, the birthday planning goes like this...

My birthday - 4 minutes of planning. I'm old and nobody really cares. So, we go out to dinner and call it a night.

Everett's birthday - 15 minutes of planning. He's a baby and he doesn't care. So, we get a cake and he gets to smash it to bits.

Amelia's birthday - A month and a half of planning. We run through several of our own ideas, scour Pinterest for others, gather info on other friends' parties, and coordinate themes, decorations, and menus.

I'm guessing this will change in the future as Everett gets old enough to really enjoy a party. Which means we'll start planning his around Thanksgiving, completely ignore Meggan's (december), take a break to celebrate Christmas, and then skip my birthday altogether.

And Now I know...

Well, I turned 34 years old today. I suppose it's all relative as to whether or not that makes me young, old, or just the right age. What I do know is what I "know" at 34 is probably better than what I thought I knew at 24 and probably not as good as what I will know at 44...

At 24, I thought I'd accomplished something by being the first person in my family to graduate from college. At 34, I realize how dumb I was for not being in graduate school when I was 24.

At 24, I thought the Gators winning a championship would be a highlight of my life.
At 34, I realize they don't send out championship rings to fans.

At 24, I thought I'd always be able to drop 15lbs by working out a few times.
At 34, I realize those lbs have become wise to my ways and are prepared to fight for their survival.

At 24, I thought your first love was one of the most valuable treasures of life.
At 34, I realize your first love is a great memory, but your last love is really what matters.

At 24, I thought marriage was about sharing a last name and bank account.
At 34, I realize marriage is two people sharing one life.

At 24, I thought kids were something I'd probably like to have one day.
At 34, I realize kids are something I can't imagine spending a second without.

At 24, I thought I wanted a high paying job in finance.
At 34, I realize I really just want to be inspired while still being able to feed my children.

At 24, I thought if I had kids some day, I'd teach them how to play sports, ride bikes, and be good citizens. At 34, I realize my kids teach me far more about life than I could ever teach them.

At 24, I thought I knew what it meant to love someone.
At 34, I realize the way you love your child is in a stratosphere all its own.

At 24, I thought arguing with your significant other often meant you weren't right for each other.
At 34, I realize it simply means you both care enough to put up a fight.

At 24, I thought a great night out was supposed to be in a crowded bar.
At 34, I realize the value of a nice dinner with a great friend.

At 24, I thought I had a pretty good ability to read people's intentions.
At 34, I realize I have gained and lost enough friends to no longer be surprised by anyone.

At 24, I thought lacking ambition meant you were lazy.
At 34, I realize sometimes it just means you are happy.

At 24, I thought having a dog meant having responsibility.
At 34, I realize having an infant is the same as having roughly 38 dogs.

At 24, I thought a keg stand made for a great video.
At 34, I realize seeing Ev stand..or "walk" makes for the best video.

At 24, I thought "I'll sleep when I'm dead".
At 34, I realize I'll need to because I sure as hell don't sleep now that I have kids.

At 24, I thought the sports world should revolve around the University of Florida.
At 34, I realize that is still absolutely true.


I'm sure there are a few others I have left off the list, perhaps to be added in years to come. As I've shown above, you're never as smart today as you will be tomorrow...but, at least you aren't the dummy you used to be.

What a Change

A week ago, he would barf any time he ate anything.  This was to the point where the doctor said we might have to take him to a specialist to work on eating. Then, he simply decided to eat and now is eating chicken nuggets (he rejected the peas). If there is one thing I've learned as a parent it is that you actually have little control over anything. Your kids will do things when they are damn well good and ready.

Oops

In case you were ever wondering what would happen if you grabbed an open box of orzo, thought it was a closed box of orzo, and shook it like a maniac playing the a maraca....despite our frantic warnings, Amelia found out the answer the hard way today.... the bare spot in the middle? Yeah, that's where she was standing before she started bawling and ran away from the chaos.

EVil Knievel

While having a little girl certainly opened my eyes to a million things I never could have anticipated, I have to say having a little boy is even more nuts. They have all the same little idiosyncrasies  but they don't have any of the fear filters to protect themselves. Everett has now repeatedly tried to climb the stairs, even more repeatedly tried to bite the outlet covers out of the sockets, and now has decided to use his stroller as a step ladder when we turn our backs...

My Little Mermaid

Amelia finally started swim lessons last Saturday.  So, now we have to run out of swim class, shower off, throw on her ballet outfit, and head to dance. Everything went well this weekend and we were really on top of our game...until we were standing in an empty dance class and realized ballet doesn't start until next week.  That said, aside from that minor scheduling snafu, it was great to see Amelia do her thing in the water. She still won't quite put her face under yet, but I don't think it will be long.

They're the Best

Kids are really great at so many things. They are hilariously funny. They are as sweet as could be. They are smart, silly, energetic, etc. However, the thing they may be the absolute best at is causing their parents to worry. Now, I can't even speak to teenage years because 1) my children are small and 2) I refuse to acknowledge the fact that my children are eventually going to be gross, little teenagers. So, speaking only for small children, I can safely say my kids have caused me more worry than anything else has over their lifetimes. I guess the kids got together recently and determined it was Everett's turn to stress us.  For reasons unknown the me, Meggan, or our doctors, he has decided that eating is overrated. He's never really been big on eating actual food without barfing it up immediately. But, now he's decided to trump that problem by refusing to drink bottles as well. So, this is a boy who went from killing drinks like an alcoholic on quarter beer night to shoving the bottle away and turning his head when you try to feed him. He doesn't appear to be sick. He acts healthy and plays all day. He doesn't even seem to be cutting any teeth. At this point, it just looks like he has made the decision that he is too old to drink bottles. I hope it resolves itself soon, but I'm not that hopeful as after tonight's attempt, he smacked me in the face and called himself a "grown ass man". I think taking his first few steps may have gone to his head.  If I catch him shaving in the morning, I'll know for sure.

Magic Mike

While I'm happy he's no longer sucking on the sliding glass door....I'm not sure I approve of him giving me and Amelia a strip show either....

Tailor

Meggan is working on sewing a few things for our house and luckily for her, she has the World's Smallest Tailor helping her...

Glimpse Into the Future

Amelia has apparently recently turned 12 years old. Not only have we had to correct her repeatedly for sighing and saying "fiiine" when we asked her to do anything, but she has also started wanting to talk on the phone.  She has called my mom, my sister, Meg's mom, Meg's dad, and she has asked me 3 days in a row if she can call her friend, Mackenzie.  She just sits on the phone chatting about what each of them are doing, what she had for dinner, when they are coming to visit, etc. These calls are not 20 second phone calls. These conversations go on for several minutes. I swear, 10 years from now, the only difference will be she is talking to friends, not family, and about boys, not dinner... and I won't think it's cute...like, at all.

Brrrrrr

Everett is really enjoying his new, warm, fuzzy coat...and I really think it is funny that his hair is now so long on top and short underneath that it looks like he wears a toupee.

Choo Choo

So far, the prize gift from Christmas has been Everett's new train. Here is Amelia letting Ev push her around so she can do her best Silver Spoons impression (BTW - does it date me too much to reference early 80's sitcoms??)

Artist

A few months back, I posted some of Amelia's artwork here. Well, last night I caught her drawing and signing a self portrait in her room. Frankly, once again, I think it is very good for a 3 year-old....but, I am biased and I have no frame of reference for what other 3 year-olds can do.

Speaking of Major Steps

For those of you who personally know Everett, you will see here that him walking for the first time tonight might not be the most important thing he did. For whatever reason, Everett still does not eat anything other than baby food. By his age, most kids at least eat puffs or some other toddler munchies. That said, Mr. Everett barfs every time anything thicker than a pudding-like consistency touches his lips. So, for him to suddenly start eating graham crackers is a miracle on the level of turning water to wine.




...and as Amelia announced at the end of the clip, he did it as "Cinderella" was watching...

.

Yeah, That Counts

This may not be the most graceful thing you've ever seen, but I am counting this as Everett walking for the first time. He clearly moves both his left and right feet and that is enough for me.

New Hat

I'm not sure if Ev is trying to make a fashion statement or if he just had too much to drink celebrating the new year. Either way, you probably aren't going to see me with a colander on my head any time soon.

Interestingly enough, it isn't the first time one of my children wore a kitchen apparatus as a hat...