If any of you are available to play pretend with Amelia, I am looking to hire someone. The only qualifications are 1) you don't harm small children 2) you don't mind pretending to be dogs, cats, cartoon characters, aliens, babies, or basically anything other than yourself. 24 hours per day and 3) you aren't me. That last one is non-negotiable because I seriously can't spend another second playing pretend. Seriously. At this point, if anyone would take on this job for me, I'd be willing to pay you what it is worth to me - $75 million dollars*.
All inquiries should be sent directly to Sophie, as she is our acting hiring manager/head of security.
Thank You.
* Amount subject to change.
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