Memorial Day

To the soldiers across the world, including my nephews, thank you for all you do. The sacrifices you make allow us to live a life of freedom and security. I can go to bed tonight knowing Amelia is safe. For that, there is nothing I can do, and certainly nothing I can say, to repay you. From those who have fallen to those who still stand to fight, you truly are the greatest heroes this world has ever known - May the angels watch over you as you watch over us.

puppy beware

I found this notice on my bedside table this morning.....


To whom it may concern,

Consider this my official notice that any puppies brought into this house will face the wrath of 9 lbs of furry vengeance. IF I decide not to eat the puppy upon entry, I will reserve the right to unconditionally whip that puppy ass if any of the following were to occur:

1) eating a single morsel of my food, including but not limited to food in my bowl, food dropped by Amelia, and/or rabbit turds in the back yard.

2) marking or defiling my favorite spots in the yard in any way. For purposes of this notice, "yard" shall mean the entire Southeastern region of the U.S.

3) biting, touching, sniffing, or licking any of my toys, particularly Piggy as he and I go way back. For purposes of this notice, merely thinking of the aforementioned acts will constitute a breach of agreement punishable by any means necessary including the use of my paws of fury.

4) this one is simple...stay the hell out of my bed or you will die. I have worked too hard to gain that freedom for you to bring your big, clumsy rear into the equation and ruin it for me.

5) look, we all saw Marley and Me. It was cute. I laughed, I cried. That said, it has given you retrievers a really inflated ego. If you come in here acting all Hollywood, I'll be forced to smack the puppy breath right out of your mouth.
You won't be the first big dog I have had to keep in check. There's a mean yellow lab that lives behind me and trust me, he thanks his lucky stars daily for the fence between us keeping him safe.

So, there you have it. Any puppy willing to adhere to the terms of this agreement or face the consequences has my blessing to enter this family.

-Sophie

Thiiiis close

Today, we decided to swing by Petsmart so Mia could see all the dogs they had up for adoption and then go across the street to split a cupcake. All in all, that is a pretty good Sunday. However, it was almost a more remarkable Sunday than normal. For the first time, I alllmost got sucked in by a cute yellow lab/golden retriever puppy. Meggan loves labradors and goldens and has always wanted us to have one. I, however, love them....but want everyone else to have them. Of course I can picture myself throwing a sweet puppy in the back of my jeep, heading to the beach, and letting it chase balls into the surf for hours. Luckily, before I fill out the adoption papers I remember that I don't have a jeep, don't live near the beach, and barely have time to play with the dog I have. Oh, and speaking of the dog I have, let's not forget that she makes it her life's goal to attempt to fight every other dog she comes in contact with - regardless of size. So, once factoring these things in with the limited desire to share my bed with yet ANOTHER dog, I can normally pass on the puppy adoptions. But, for some reason, today I was feeling weak. I legitimately considered adopting this puppy for the better part of an hour. Part of me still wishes I had adopted it. Of course, I'm pretty sure that part of me forgot what it's like to have a puppy in the house chewing anything it sees and pooping anywhere it wants. Besides, Sophie is still depressed about getting her hair shaved. This might have sent her on a downward spiral of no return.

Chatterbox

I'm not sure how many words Mia is supposed to be able to say, but I think she's doing pretty well. Whether she is saying many coherent words or not, she has become quite the talker. 90% of it is in her own language, although when you can't understand her, she looks at you like you peed on the carpet. Here is a list of words (in the English language) that she says on a regular basis...in varying degrees of annunciation.

Hi
Hey - she's very social
Hello - mostly only when "answering" her cell phone
Thank You - I'm not sure she knows what it means, but she knows to say it every time you give her something
Bubbles - her favorite activity
Hat
Ball
Doggie - occasionally comes out like dada, but she's always much more excited to see a doggie.
Mama
Dada
Row Row - the opening verse of Row, Row, Row your boat
Elmo - which comes out much more like Melmo
Uh Oh - this apparently is her response to dropping anything

Now, on top of the words she can say, she can generally completely understand what you are saying to her. You can ask her 'take something to mommy' and she'll gladly oblige. You can ask her if she wants to watch Sesame Street and she'll clap and go over to the TV. However, through all this mastery of the language, she apparently cannot yet understand 'No' or 'You can't have any more cookies'...I have a feeling she isn't going to learn either of those things any time soon.

Dentist

I really hate the dentist. Hate. Hate. Hate. Today, I had my routine checkup. While I was sitting there with the dental hygienist elbow deep in my mouth, I realized that a "routine checkup" for me is really more like a routine game of "hoping the dentist doesn't find anything wrong so I can keep ignoring any problems I may have". I mean, if he doesn't find it, it doesn't exist, right? Surely I am not the only one who gives the absolute most vague answers when asked if something hurts. I may be saying "ehh, I can feel it, but I wouldn't say it's painful per se." But, what I really mean is "Holy hell, you are stabbing a metal stick into my gums, why don't you just yank out the tooth, inspect it, and put it back in, you sadistic freak". Speaking of sadistic, do they not realize my lips are indeed attached to my face? I get the concept of opening wide, but I'm not a flip top. Believe it or not, mouths are not made for two hands, a metal pick, a water sprayer, AND a suction tube. So, that wince you see. It's not from a cavity. It's because you violated a personal rule I have against leaving a place bloodier than I arrived. Somehow, in preparation for this visit, I already flossed 7 times and brushed my teeth an additional 6 times this morning and yet I felt no pain. So, why does my mouth now feel as if it just got beaten like it stole something? I appreciate all the dentist does, but is a little compassion against the rules?

Can't get enough

This evening, while Meggan was at the gym, Amelia and I sat out on the deck swing blowing bubbles and eating applesauce. She had just finished a big plate of spaghetti and was as happy as she gets. Sophie was running around the yard like a maniac, beard blowing in the breeze. All I could think was - There is no such thing as too many days like this.

Do as I blog...

As parents, we run a phenomenal risk of being life's ultimate hypocrites. It certainly isn't our intention and most of us don't realize we do it. However, through the natural course of wanting so much more for our children than we ever had, it is overly simple to stretch beyond the limits of our own existence. This hypocrisy comes in many forms. We want them to eat better than we do. We chastise them for procrastinating on their homework when we did ours right before class started. We push them to stand up to bullies, challenge their fears, and never settle for second best while we often run for personal shelter. For the most part, anyone would agree this is just good parenting. This is setting standards and expectations to help children get the most out of life. It is easy to talk the talk. But, how many of us actually walk the walk? For the most part, I try my best to set an example for Mia. I go to sleep at night comfortable in my own integrity. I make an effort to work hard, be respectful of all I have, and to make the lives of others better. That said, I have much room for improvement. I hope Amelia takes a chance to follow her dreams, although I have predominantly chased stability. I want Amelia to get as much education as she possibly can, yet I still have not found my way back to graduate school. And perhaps, the most egregious example of all is my desire for Amelia to travel and see the world, while I sit at home, paralyzed by fear, with two flights under my belt in the last 12 years. So, I know I need to change. I know I have things to work on. I don't have a timetable and as of right now, I don't have a plan. However, I will figure out something. I have to. I don't believe in 'Do as I say and not as I do' and if I want Mia to do as I do, I have to be the example of the person I want her to be.

Beach Trip Slideshow

Back to reality

We went on a fantastic beach trip this past weekend with friends of ours who have a son Amelia's age. There was great concern over how Amelia would handle the beach, the pool, and travelling in general. I am pleased to say she handled all three wonderfully. That's not to say there weren't moments, but overall, she made the trip better than I ever could have imagined. I'll fill you in and post some pictures over the next few days. For tonight, I am suffering from "return from vacation-itis" in which I am too tired to figure out why my picture slide show won't fit on the blog and yet, too relaxed to care. I will leave you with these pictures of Mia and her friend, Patrick(from the beach trip), taken roughly one year apart. Oh, what a difference a year makes...

Well, she likes what she likes

We took Amelia to Toys R Us this weekend to look for her pool and let her walk around in awe of all the store has to offer. I have to admit, even as an adult, I can sometimes get captivated by this Mecca of toys. Amelia was every bit as excited as we hoped she would be. However, there was one thing that caught us by surprise...she fell in love with one particular item in the store and even when were able to trick her and get it from her, she'd find another like it across the store. So, what was this brand new toy she couldn't stop playing with? Was it Elmo? Was it Dora? Was it some other product admired by children the world around?

No, it was an exact replica of the chair she has at home...

So proud

Okay, so I'll be the first to admit that I am biased. I think Mia is beautiful, brilliant, and hilarious. Frankly, I feel every dad should feel this way. So, forgive me if, as a follow up to my bubbles post, I take the time to post a short video showing off her ample dexterity. (The video would be longer if I were as smart as Amelia and had remembered to clear some space on the camera)



Seriously people, that is a really tiny hole she is sticking that wand in!

Aftermath

Well, after Amelia went for a leisurely swim, she stripped down to her favorite outfit - sneakers, panties, and a hair bow, to partake in her favorite activity - playing with bubbles. Luckily, I captured a few pictures so you could see her in her natural state of play.

No Swimming

We bought Amelia a small, plastic "kiddie" pool this weekend. She had one of these pools last year and seemed to enjoy it. Of course, by "seemed to enjoy it", I mean she sat in it as a 4 month old and didn't scream her head off. How did she do this time?


Showing off our new suit - happy to be outside...



Hmm, we don't seem to be 100% sure about this pool thing even though everyone says it will be great. But hey, you only live once, so let's give it a try....



Now I remember...I hate everything I try for the first time...everything...

Good Times

I have multiple pictures to upload, so as a tease, I will be putting up a few each night for the next few nights. Enjoy.

Tonight, we get to see a few of Amelia thoroughly enjoying a Snuggie...

R-E-L-I-E-F

Meggan's parents are coming to town tomorrow. This is great news. We love it when we can get one of our families to come to town. They'll get to bond with Amelia. Amelia will get to bond with them. We'll get to see them. They'll get to see us. Yada yada yada. All of that is mushy, lovely, wonderful. However, let's get to a real exciting point...Amelia-free date night. I'd like to say this will give us a chance to do some crazy things we did before Amelia. Unfortunately, we didn't do any crazy things. So, instead, we'll gladly take this opportunity to go to dinner without worrying about anyone eating crayons or throwing their plate at other patrons. Who knows, if we're feeling really wild, we might even throw in a movie.

Parents of the Year?

With this photo, I officially withdraw our name as Parents of the Year...

Big Weekend

Amelia: So this weekend there is the NRA National Convention, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are coming to town, and the NASCAR Hall of Fame is opening.

Sophie: Wow, was the venue for the monster truck rally already booked?

Amelia: Somebody call Guinness, I think we can shatter the record for gun racks in one parking garage.

Sophie: I bet I can count the Obama bumper stickers on one nubby.

Amelia: Well, unless you count the anti-Obama stickers.

Sophie: You are wise, Baby.

Amelia: Of course, you never know, you are a member of the NRA and you voted for Obama.

Sophie: In all fairness to me, I am Chief Security Officer of this family so I have to pack heat AND at election time, due to doing zero research, I thought Universal Health Care would mean unlimited belly scratches for all of us dogs... color me disappointed.

Amelia: Don't feel bad, in a fit of baby naivete, I wrote-in Dora the Explorer.

Sophie: Well, she does have a good head on her shoulders.

Amelia: I just don't think this country is ready for a 7 year old Latina cartoon character to be president. If only Noggin had the same power as MTV when it comes to getting someone elected.

Sophie: We can only dream, Baby. We can only dream.

Mother's Day

I will indulge the blog with some new photos shortly. However, first I wanted to say Happy Mother's Day to my mom. Anything I am as a father comes directly from what she is as a mother. It would be a challenge to find any mother in the world who showers her children with more unconditional love. If I learn nothing else, that kind of love is one thing I will happily pass down to Amelia. So mom, today, and everyday, I thank you for all you do and all you are.

Now, on to the pictures -

Happy Mother's Day!

Ahhh, Mother's Day - behind Valentine's day, the second least creative day of the year for men. Why would I say this? Perhaps it is because of the hordes of men I saw today gazing at flowers and staring in unison at Hallmark shelves trying to decide if it would be okay to get their wives a fart joke card? I think it is great to celebrate mothers (it should be done on a regular basis) and I really don't have anything against flowers (nice surprise on a Tuesday, not a major holiday). I simply get bored at seeing the flock of men march into stores to purchase what they assume is the requisite flowers, candy, and cards. Nothing says "I love you, I know what makes you happy, and I appreciate all you do" like mindlessly buying the same crap year after year. Men, listen to me, you don't have to break the bank. You don't even have to blow her mind every year. All I am asking is that you make a damn effort. Lord only knows that not every gift I've given has been a hit, but at least they weren't bought on autopilot. Besides, if your gift ends up falling on its face, you can always rush out and buy flowers.

Delicious?

Two very important baby/toddler facts were on display tonight...

1) They are fast.
2) They will attempt to eat anything.

We were having a fun time blowing bubbles on the deck tonight. Bubbles and laughter filled the air. Somewhere amidst the chaos of fun, Amelia picked up an item and quickly tried to eat it. Luckily, we were watching her closely and were able to intervene with this poor, poor decision. What was the item, you ask? A bird dropping that we didn't notice on the deck. Yes, my daughter tried to join Sophie in the ranks of DooDoo eaters. Now, I'm not sure about where you grew up, but where I come from, having half your household eating poopsicles is a far cry from acceptable.

Discovery

Today, while predominantly unremarkable, will be bookmarked and referred back to later in Amelia's life as the day she discovered trouble. Up until this point, Amelia really has been pretty well behaved and any trouble has been completely self contained - being fussy, throwing fits, etc. This time, it was different. She didn't actually cause any trouble tonight. There were no crayons eaten. Sophie still has all four paws and one tiny nubby. She even took her medicine without her head spinning around 360 degrees. So, what is it that happened? Well, she discovered a weapon of mass destruction - the flushable toilet. She's always been vaguely aware that there was a big, white seat in the room. Additionally, more than one roll of toilet paper has been reduced to a pile of fun on the floor. So, she's clearly known there was some potential going on in the bathroom. I feared a day would come in which Mia decided splashing in the toilet water would be hilarious or that she'd use it to test exactly how water resistant my watch really is. However, I hadn't planned on her finding the handle so early. Thus, I was met with great surprise tonight while I was getting her allergy medicine ready and heard the sound of the beginnings of a flush. When I looked over at her, she was already staring at me grinning as if she had hit the Powerball jackpot. With two hands firmly clinching the handle, she began to repeatedly tug. At this point, she doesn't seem to be strong enough to get a complete flush - which will totally blow her mind. So, I will enjoy this time while I can because I have a feeling it won't be long before I find Sophie swirling around in a porcelain pond.

Strange Bedfellows

I'll start by apologizing for the picture quality on this post. They were taken with my brick of a cell phone. Apparently, I am the last person on Earth without an IPhone, Droid, or any other sophisticated phone/camera/mini computer. What I have is more like a cross between a pager and Zack Morris's phone from Saved By The Bell.

As has been chronicled on here a dozen times, Amelia isn't the greatest sleeper in the world. So, when we get the chance to see her completely at peace in restful bliss, it is very special for us.



However, I REALLY, REALLY wish we could catch her getting this kind of rest someplace other than horizontally across OUR bed (that's my head in the corner and that empty pillow is where Meggan was sleeping before we voted her off the island).



This is definitely not a habit we want to start. Unfortunately, I think we already have.

Recall

Well, as most of you probably know, there was a giant recall this week on a variety of baby medicines. As any parent would, we rushed to check everything we give to Mia. We found out that of the cocktail of drugs Amelia gets most nights, all but one were recalled. Thankfully I am cheap and bought a generic brand of Zyrtec or it would have been EVERY medicine she takes. Given the scope of this recall, I would assume many parents are in the same boat. Of course, I don't know how many of them have children that have had the chronic allergy, sinus, illness issues Amelia has been fond of bringing home. This recall has me feeling like not such a great parent. So, I have now dropped her on her coconut, complained about her being too fussy when she ended up having croup, and now stuffed her full of less than stellar drugs. For an encore, perhaps I'll take her for a swim in the Gulf of Mexico oil slick.

Owwwwwww

Why would I be posting at 2:30 in the morning? Late night partying? Insomnia? Stroke of genius in my sleep too important to wait until morning? Uhh, no. If you guessed severe pain in my foot so striking it won't allow me to sleep, give yourself a pat on the back. Worse yet, I have absolutely no idea what happened. When I woke up yesterday morning, my big toe was in pain as if had broken it. However, it was fine when I went to sleep and I didn't get up in the middle of the night. Now, I know I am getting old and am likely to pull a muscle doing something as strenuous as bending down to tie my shoe. However, somehow breaking a toe while sleeping would be a new low for me. In an effort to figure out my issue I have now consulted with the Internet to self-diagnose and I regret to inform you that I have a Gout infested, arthritic bunion on my gangrenous, broken big toe. Who needs med school when you have Google?

Prom Night

At dinner tonight we saw two girls that were headed to Prom. Hopefully, by this point they are having one of the best nights of their lives...although, I assure you most of the best nights of your life do NOT start at the mediocre Mexican chain restaurant we dined at this evening. Anyways, seeing these girls naturally made us flash forward to Amelia's Prom night. It's always funny as a parent when you get these glimpses into your child's future yet they are basically just stories from your past retold new and improved. Thus, my visions of Amelia's Prom all include some great slow jams from the 90's. As Meggan put it, picturing her all dolled up makes you both happy and sad. I know Meggan is desperately looking forward to all the girlie things life with a daughter has to offer. So, spending the day getting Mia ready for Prom is probably the pinnacle of all pre-wedding day occasions. For me, I don't even want to think about some high school guy coming by to pick up my baby girl. I'll have to make sure he understands the severity of the ramifications of his actions. I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to do that since I'll be nearly 50 at the time and I don't scare anyone now, but I'm confident I'll find a way. If not, I'll let Sophie handle it. Of course, she'll be 21 by then, but she's got spunk and quite a bit of fight in her - boys beware.